Perfect Life Problem

Filling life with challenges and joy.

Author: Rachel

  • Being Prepared: Raising a Child Who Remembers Their Stuff

    Being Prepared: Raising a Child Who Remembers Their Stuff

    The parental burden of remembering all of the things is reduced with a child who remembers their stuff. Our children can handle it when we let them begin to take on the responsibility. First lets prepare their ability to think about the future event.

    Why This Matters

    There are a few different ways a child remembers their stuff. Sometimes it is remembering to bring it with as in packing a bag for school or sports. Also, remembering when you brought it it outside or in the car.

    We also need to remember to take care of our things. This can be washing laundry or putting away fragile objects when a friend comes to play. When we are able to think through an activity or need ahead of time it reduces stress, increases responsibility, and reduces anxiety.

    Step by Step Teaching Guide

    In the being prepared section we will start with much of the burden of remembering being on the parent. Start with specific questions then with practice moving to broader questions before finally transferring responsibility.

    Initially we are guiding our child towards a specific known outcome. If your child has school/daycare tomorrow we want to prompt them to think about what they need. First they start by thinking tomorrow I have school. Then for school I need my back pack. Followed by these are the items I normally keep in my back pack. Eventually, your child will be able to remember special items for specific days.

    Common Mistakes

    The most common mistake when helping our children to be prepared is doing most of the thinking for them. To start with we are modeling the activity and showing them how we think through the process. But we do need to let go and let the child be responsible for thinking.

    We save our children when they forget something. Now I am not talking about sending your 4 year old to school without a lunch because they forgot. But maybe their special stuffed friend that they take everyday. If they are forgetting to pack their lunch ask questions to prompt the response but avoid ‘did you pack your lunch’ because then you are thinking for them.

    10 Minute Challenge

    Kids love to pack bags and we are going to make a game of it. First we are going to practice the thinking skills for remembering what to bring with.

    Begin with a regular outing like school or the park. If your child recently went to the zoo and cannot stop talking about it that’s a great candidate for an outing too.

    Start with the general description and a broad question. “Let’s play a game where we are packing a bag for school. What do you we need to pack?”. After they come up with their initial list provide prompts to further the thinking.

    “What will the weather be like” instead of “did you pack your rain boots”

    Fox Discovery Trail

    What did you notice?

    Where did you get stuck?

    What will you try next time?

    What will you do if something goes wrong? What could go wrong?

    How can I help?

    Little Fox and Big Fox After Challenge

    Big Fox: What did you notice in the game we just played?

    Little Fox: I don’t know

    5 second pause

    Big Fox: I noticed it was easier to remember things to bring after we talked about the day.

    Big Fox: Where did you get stuck?

    Little Fox: I’m not stuck.

    5 second pause

    Big Fox: It took us longer at the end to think of the last things.

    Big Fox: What will you try next time?

    Little Fox: The big slide!

    5 second pause

    Big Fox: What could go wrong when we are packing our bags?

    Little Fox: I could forget something.

    Big Fox: How can I help?

    Little Fox: I don’t know

    Another successful Fox Discovery Trail in the books. Although the answers may not appear helpful (or off topic) we are practicing critical thinking about thinking. Well done Little Fox.

    Parent Time Saved

    The time that is saved by a child being responsible for their own things includes the daily time it takes you to pack the bags. It also includes the hours spent later in life dropping off school lunches, projects, and sports equipment. We avoid the last minute rush for spirit week and searching for sports equipment.

    Independence Ladder

    Answering specific prompts about preparation for routine outings

    Prompts become broader but still for routine outings

    Child is able to anticipate outing and prepare items

    Child is able to think of special events at routine outings (show and tell day at school)

    Child begins to think through non-routine outings and items needed with specific prompts

  • Getting Ready: Easily improve skills for calm mornings

    Getting Ready: Easily improve skills for calm mornings

    Do calm mornings as a parent sound fake? Well maybe they are if you want to sip coffee in peace while reading a novel or paint with the morning sun. You can get there if that’s the goal but we are talking about getting out the door for work, school, and daycare.

    The list of things that need to be done in a very short time frame is impressive. In order to have clam mornings we need to develop a clear structure where I children know either what comes next or what to do next.

    Why This Matters

    Calm mornings change the whole day. Days starting like this prepare our children and ourselves for all the hard and fun things for the day. If we are not teaching our children what mornings should look like then we are adding to the chaos.

    Our children can get themselves ready for the day. I mean completely ready if we allow them to by first grade. We do need to handle less than perfect outcomes along the day and continually, slowly allow the responsibility to transfer. This will come in stages and each time you see your child confidently handle a new responsibility you will see them smile.

    Step by Step Teaching Guide

    Getting out the door it is hard to imagine calm mornings. The goal is to give our children lots of opportunities to try. Both success and getting stuck are part of learning a skill.

    These mini lessons should not feel like a classroom. But much like a classroom it is the parents responsibility to set up the area for success. Before introducing a new skill think about the challenges your child might face. Also, save some challenges for them to think about and solve with you.

    Sometimes the 10 minute challenge will be a skill your child has mastered or is not quite ready for. If they are not quite ready for it still introduce the skill and follow the process. You still want to work through the skill with your child but responsibility will not transfer. If they have already mastered the skill I challenge you to ask your child what they want to do for themselves that is related to the task.

    After completing the 10-minute challenge begin the Fox Discovery Trail exploration. The best way to approach this step is to be curious since there is no right answer. In the responses listen for signs that your child is noticing their own thinking.

    Initially an ‘I don’t know’ response is appropriate since they haven’t built the skill of talking about their thinking. If you do receive this response wait another 5-10 seconds and see if they build on the response. Try narrowing the question if they still have not responded. Instead of ‘What did you notice’ try ‘What was your favorite part’.

    This is your child’s thinking time, it is important to let them do the thinking. If you notice they do not have the words to answer model this throughout the day.

    Common Mistakes with Calm Mornings

    We all know it is easier to do it yourself. Easier, quicker, quieter, less chaos. All of it. We need to -on purpose- let our children do the work in order to achieve calm mornings.

    Not giving our morning or our child enough time. If it takes your child 10 minutes to put on their shoes it is not okay to only give them 5 minutes.

    When the space is not designed for our children to be successful. We baby-proof and put things out of our children’s reach. Often this is much needed. But when our children are growing the space does not always grow with them.

    10 Minute Challenge

    Fox Discovery Trail

    What did you notice?

    Where did you get stuck?

    What will you try next time?

    What will you do if something goes wrong? How could go wrong?

    How can I help?

    Parent Time Saved

    Independence Ladder

    Carry water bottle or snack to car

    Put on shoes

    Put on socks

    Brush Hair

    Dress Independently

    Make Breakfast

    Make Bed

    Brush Teeth

  • Why Helping Too Much Keeps Kids Dependent and Essential Action To Take Now.

    Why Helping Too Much Keeps Kids Dependent and Essential Action To Take Now.

    Have you ever noticed just how much preparation it takes to get the kids out the door? By the time you have all the bags packed, kids dressed, fed the kids, and found everyone’s shoes you are exhausted and frustrated. You may just be helping too much.

    Our children need to learn the executive skills it takes to be prepared. When we prepare everything for them and manage their time they stay dependent. It is not an easy transition when your child gets to middle school and they haven’t learned to prepare themselves.

    Skill Snapshot

    Why This Matters

    Starting the independent journey early can avoid us helping too much as they grow. Simple tasks like clearing your dish after dinner can be an easy transition to helping the family. Often you will find your child offering to clear your dish which changes how they view themselves in the family and with friends.

    Step by Step Teaching guide

    Teaching a new skill through this method will typically be done with a You do, We do, I do ladder method. Depending on the age and experience of your child some days you will spend much of your time in the ‘You do’ stage. This is what your child has been doing since birth while they are watching your daily routine. The change is that you are a bit more specific about them watching and engaging with you.

    Other portions of teaching the skill will include forward-chain and back-chain in order to successfully learn tasks. In back chaining you would complete almost the full process to start and then have your child complete the final step. In shoe tying they would just pull the laces tight at the end the first time. As they become proficient at the last step you can add in the prior step. The child has a positive feeling about the experience because they are able to complete it and are not overwhelmed with tackling the whole task at once.

    Forward chaining is similar but starts with only completing the first step in the process. I find this most helpful when the child is already familiar with all of the steps but this is a new scenario. For instance they already know how to fold a wash cloth and now learning to fold a hand towel.

    Common Mistakes

    There are a few things we do or feel as parents that keep our kids feeling too dependent on us. Often in the moment it is quicker, easier, and less messy to do it ourselves. At the age of one this is absolutely true. But it is also true at the age of 6 if its your child’s first attempt.

    Also, there is a lot of underestimating what a child is capable of. Along the same lines we compare what our child does to other children and sometimes feel they are behind. The truth is each child in on their own journey and that makes it hard to know what to allow them to handle.

    10 minute Challenge

    Clearing your dish after a meal. This important skill provides opportunities to help the family and be responsible for yourself. What success looks like with this goal for a first grade is clearing their dish after every meal without a reminder. Being able to successfully clear any remaining food on the plate and prepare the dish for washing. An added bonus you will find is the occasional offer to clear other dishes for the family.

    Take 10 minutes today to show your child. How to carry their plate to the counter. Also, discuss how to solve any challenges that they face along the way. Your child might not be tall enough to reach the counter but we can still find a way to accomplish the task.

    Show your child the future steps that will be completed. Like fully clearing the dish of food and preparing it for washing. Your child may start to attempt to clear food independently when they know to do it. It could be some time before its done well depending on their age.

    Helping too much

    Parent time saved

    Depending on how your household functions the task of collecting dishes from around the house can take up a lot of time. In this case we will assume the dishes are being cleared from the table at regular meal and snack times. If it saves you 1 minute per meal/snack that’s 5 minutes a day. 35 minutes a week and 30 hours a year. I know we wont be having every meal at home especially with school/daycare but the time saved is no joke.

    Helping too much

    Independence Ladder

    Clear dish after meal >

    Clear food off plate >

    Prepare dishes for washing >

    Help clear family dishes >

    Put dishes in dish washer

    Helping too much
  • The 10-Minute Independence Challenge Method

    The 10-Minute Independence Challenge Method

    Ever find yourself feeling as though everything in the day is left up to you? Maybe you know that your child could do a task but you don’t have the time to teach or wait for them to do it. The 10-minute independence challenge method if a great way to slowly introduce new skills our children are ready for.

    What is the 10-Minute Independence Challenge Method?

    In the 10-minute independence challenge method we are introducing the next step or in some cases the final step in a process. This is done to keep the new skill achievable with wins in just 10 minutes.

    If our big goal is leaving the house on time you pick a small skill. The skill is something that your child is capable of but not doing now. Then we will spend just 10 minutes practicing the skill at a time we are not leaving the house.

    How did this method start?

    There was a period of time doing the toilet learning process where we got a puppy. My best friend came to visit and as we chatted I helped the kids with various tasks. If any child or puppy needed help with the facilities I literally dropped everything and ran to help. By the end of the night my friend was laughing and I was thinking ‘how did I get here?’.

    A few things came from this. The first was that I can only guarantee I have ten minutes to dedicate to an activity at a time. The second was I am not giving my kids the chance to learn how to do things for themselves. So often it is easier to just do the thing and continue on your day.

    I thought before this day that I was teaching my children to be independent. And I was. But not as intentionally or consistently as I would have liked. The 10-minute independence method gives me the chance to take 10 minutes to work on a skill but also lets me know what to do next.

    Independence Challenge Method

    Why is it only 10 minutes?

    Our children have short attention spans. We want to end the challenge before they lose interest. Some skills they will be really into and want to keep practicing. If they can continue practicing independently then great! But if they need your help to keep practicing find a way they can practice by themselves.

    It is often the independent practice after we step away where the magic happens. This is when they problem solve, build resilience, and get the confidence by completing a hard task by themselves. Maybe you wouldn’t let them continue to use a knife when you walk away. You could pull out play dough and a butter knife letting the skill building continue.

    We are busy and we can find 10 minutes. Honestly finding time to do the important things is just so hard. But it is hard to say that I don’t have 10 minutes for my kids. If you don’t have 10 minutes you can do a 5 minute version.

    Many of the skills you will actually spend less than 10 minutes on at a time. 10 minutes is the upper limit but this also isn’t a race to be finished. Take your time. Keep this enjoyable for your child. Have a goal for what success looks like for the end of the practice.

    Independence Challenge Method
  • The 12 Domains of Independence by 1st Grade

    The 12 Domains of Independence by 1st Grade

    The 12 domains of independence is a structure used to break down the big goal of childhood independence. Breaking down what to work on next is easier when like tasks are together. When you review the list of domains take a moment to think which domains could use a little work.

    Getting Ready

    The getting ready domain of independence involves all the tasks it takes to leave the house or transition to a new part of the day. Your child will be able to fully get ready for the day by first grade.

    They can get dressed, handle basic hygiene, prepare a simple meal, and pick up after themselves. Many of these tasks are addressed in other areas. These are prioritized in the getting ready domain as they can change the mood of the whole day.

    Being Prepared

    Being prepared domain of independence pairs well with getting ready. In the being prepared section the child looks at the future and decides what is needed. This can start with checking the weather to pick the right outfit.

    Packing snacks, lunches, and backpacks the night before falls into this category. Items like this help to look at the future and decide what is needed. Packing sports bags and being responsible for water bottles when leaving the house are important skills.

    Personal Hygiene

    The Personal Hygiene domain refers to basic hygiene. While brushing teeth and washing hair may not be a fully independent skill for some time it is a skill they can practice independently.

    Many skills that fall into this domain include toilet use, washing hands, and blowing nose. These tasks can be handled independently. Other items like knowing nails need to be trimmed provide an opportunity for the child to speak up for themselves.

    Home Contribution

    Contributing to the household keeps the house running smoothly. In this domain of independence it is important to remember that we are not looking for perfection. At this stage we are looking for participation and learning.

    A simple place to start is picking up toys and cleaning spills. This can also include setting the table or cleaning up after meals.

    Problem Solving

    Independent children are problem solvers. Be ready for some creative problem solving which may not be your idea of the right way to solve the problem.

    Not every attempt made will turn out fantastic. Let them take small risks and fail. They will just solve the problem again and better next time. We want our children to practice when the problems are small not wait until they are older and the problems are a bit more permanent.

    Communication

    Communication domain of independence can be challenging but it pays off. The growth our children have between 1 and 6 in communication skills is amazing. You go from having a handful of words to expressing creative ideas and whole conversations.

    Throughout these years we have the tantrums, the why’s, the no’s, and the oversharing with strangers. We have to teach our children how to speak up for themselves as well as how to not interrupt others when they are talking.

    Kitchen Independence

    Don’t expect your child to cook full meals by themselves. With practice children follow recipes and bake cookies. And more practically they will prepare an after school snack.

    Kids enjoy cooking with you. They happily stir a pot of chili for 30 minutes if you are in the kitchen washing dishes and wiping down counters.

    Gross Motor

    For this domain of independence we need to move our bodies. Run, walk, dance, jump, and ride some bikes. Balance, push, pull, and bend.

    Healthy bodies move and often. These movements also help our children to work through frustration and tough problems.

    Fine Motor

    Fine motor skills will be used to tie shoes, buttons, and zippers. All that just to get out the door! We practice using pencils and crayons as well as scissors.

    Financial Literacy

    Financial Literacy in this case is not be introducing the idea of a 401K. There is much to learn early about finances before your child has their first dollar. This begins with understanding the difference between needs and wants.

    It is important to discuss earning money, budgeting, and spending. Now we aren’t getting too deep into this. It can all come out simply when they are playing their ice cream shop game.

    Early Literacy

    We use books and handle them nicely. Such an important thing to learn early. By 1st grade they will have been introduced to all of the letters and quite a few of their sounds. They may not be able to read and write but should have an understanding that letters make words. And words turn into stories.

    Emotional Self-Management

    Emotional self-management is a life long pursuit for us. This is our children’s first attempt at being able to manage and work through their emotions. Calming and coping strategies should be worked through while the child is calm and feeling good.

    Our children will have new feelings they have not experienced before. Sometimes this is confusing and it can help to name the feeling and discuss where in their body they feel it.

  • What is Independence by First Grade?

    What is Independence by First Grade?

    What Independence by first grade means for you is decreasing parental mental load and frustration while increasing your child’s confidence and responsibility. Imagine the confidence your child has when feeling “I can do it myself” while reducing your overwhelm of “I have to do everything”. It means learning independence skills while your child’s brain is primed for learning and is not afraid of mistakes.

    Who is Independence by First Grade for?

    Independence by First Grade is for any parent of a child between 1 and 6. During this period of development children have a desire to be independent. This is a period of rapid growth and development in children. The majority of growth occurs through play.

    This is intended to meet you and your child where you are at and encourage growth from with 10 minute challenges. Big goals like getting ready for school independently can be broke down to simple tasks. You will look at the next step and work through a 10 minute challenge to meet the goal.

    If your child has special needs you may need to adapt your expectations. Even if your child can not be fully independent it is important to provide ways where they can. Children are constantly learning, growing and making new connections in the early years.

    What Does an Independent First Grader look like?

    An independent first grader still needs plenty of assistance but without constant reminders. Independent first graders are capable of trying and failing hard things. They are able to speak up for themselves and take responsibility for their needs.

    Independence by first grade leads to confident children who enjoy learning and trying new things. Resilience gives them the ability to continue to try when it gets hard or they fail. The children have positive self image and are able to

    Planning and organization is not a skill that you typically think of for 1st graders. After following independence by first grade ladder for being prepared you will be amazed what is possible. Your child is capable with practice and preparation to pack bags for school and sports including making sure their uniform was washed.

    What are the benefits for the parent?

    Many of the problems you hear from parents of school age children can be saved by promoting independence. No more dropping off forgot lunches and school projects. School mornings your child is up and ready with no input or requests from you.

    There is more quality time with your children. When you are not managing your child’s life you are free to enjoy them.

    What Independence by First Grade is not.

    Your independent first grader still needs you a lot. They just need you in different ways.

    Instead of…. Spending 5 minutes packing their backpack

    They might need… a quick snuggle and hug

    Instead of… spending 30 minutes getting them dressed and washed up for school

    They might need… breakfast with you talking about what they are looking forward to at school

    Instead of… spending 30 minutes a day reminding them to do things

    They might need… going for a bike ride together

    Instead of… coming home from work and feeling burned-out with all the tasks to do

    They might need… Bonding time cooking dinner together

    With an independent young child you will feel as though you get the chance to enjoy their childhood more. Parental burn-out decreases as you are no longer the mental load carrier for everything. Your child still needs you quite a bit. You are no longer putting the effort into things they can do for themselves. Instead you are putting in the effort for connection and providing opportunities for growth. Independence by first grade will change how the household operates.

    What to do next?

    Take 10 intentional minutes a day to move toward the big goal of childhood independence. Next we will talk about the domains that the skills will be broken down into.

  • How to Get Out the Door Without Frustration: Toddler morning routine

    How to Get Out the Door Without Frustration: Toddler morning routine

    When it comes to getting a toddler ready for the day and out of the house it is important to have a toddler morning routine. Long before your child can follow multi step instructions they recognize the daily routines in their life.

    Preparation Phase

    The first step to an easy morning starts the night before. The morning is not the right time to start packing bags and finding keys. I have found that something that takes 2 minutes at night will take 10 minutes in the morning.

    • Pack lunches
    • Pack snacks
    • Fill water bottles
    • Pick clothes for next day
    • Set out a quiet kid activity
    • Pack your gym bag
    • Grab your grocery list
    • Gather your ‘returns’
    • Put shoes, jackets, hats by the door
    • Find sunglasses and headphones
    • Make sure your keys were put away

    Toddler Morning Routine

    Start your coffee and get yourself ready if you have young toddlers.

    Wake up your child if you are lucky enough they are still asleep.

    Take your child to the bathroom. Even if they are still in diapers and not technically potty training. Let them sit on the toilet and pressure free let them get up and put on a fresh diaper.

    Brush teeth while still in the bathroom. We could have a whole discussion about brushing teeth before or after breakfast. A stress free toddler morning routine is our goal. And lets face it… if we waited till after they eat then teeth might not get brushed before we leave.

    Time for your toddler to get dressed. Throughout the toddler period they will have different abilities to dress independently. If you have made it through to the independent dressing then let them. If help is still needed then help as little as you can. Toddlers want to be independent.

    If they have breakfast at home now is the time. This needs to be an independent eating breakfast. Think not messy and simple. Have some pre-made egg bites. Cheese sticks and apple slices. When we get further from independent mealtime=full outfit change then add back in some yogurt or other messy delicious breakfast.

    Finally use the quiet independent activity that you pulled out last night. Things like paper and crayons, building blocks, magnetic tiles, or a lacing/stringing activity are great. We want to make sure we are planning to have the child completely ready for the day at least 10 minutes before leaving the house.

    When do I get ready?

    Well isn’t that a great question! The toddler morning routine focuses on the toddler being ready to get out the door. We all know 75 percent of the difficulty is having ourselves ready to leave as well.

    The difference between an 18 month old and a 3 year old is surprising. When they are younger and learning how to get ready for themselves this is a hands on process. It is easiest to mostly be ready before they wake up. You will have a few minutes while they eat and play for some simple last minute steps.

    By the time your child is 3 if you have a consistent routine there will be little intervention by you. At this time you can get yourself ready while they are getting ready.

  • How to Create a Toddler Routine Tips for Busy Parents

    How to Create a Toddler Routine Tips for Busy Parents

    Understanding the Importance of a Routine for Toddlers

    A consistent routine for toddlers changes everything about raising toddlers. The toddler routine tips will not fit every families lifestyle but the goal is to understand your families needs. Here is the thing. Out children understand our routine before they can follow a two step direction.

    How will a routine for toddlers change our lives? A consistent routine gives our children a chance to experience independence. The routine provides structure and security for our children to work on skills.

    Routines help our children to have a clear understanding of the world around them. They also teach our children how to problem solve and plan for the future.

    Starting a routine in the toddler years can reduce much of the frustration as our children grow. This gives our children to navigate and handle various emotions and expectations. Also, our children will learn they have a role and a place they fit in the household.

    Tips for Creating a Simple and Effective Toddler Routine

    Expect the routine to change overtime. There is no perfect plan that will last forever. Nap time changes, seasons change, and your child will become more capable every day.

    Plan for the hardest days. Initially when starting a plan create it for the hardest days. To start with creating a routine with what is already happening.

    Know your priorities. Free play? Nature play? Clean house? Cute outfits? Independence? Bonding time?

    Name your key activities. Your key activities are the times you will have routines around. Things like nap time, meal time, leaving the house, coming home, morning, and playtime.

    How to Get Out the Door Without Frustration: Toddler morning routine

    Involving Your Toddler in Routine Planning

    Your toddler is old enough and will benefit from helping to plan the routines. They will be responsible for the routine in varying degrees so its important they feel part of the process.

    Some ideas of parts of the routine they can choose

    • Number of books at bedtime
    • Order of routine (do we read a book then do tuck ins?)
    • How many outfits they can pick from
    • Independent activities for quiet times
    • What chore they will be responsible for during pick up times

    Adapting Routines During Busy Days

    Plan ahead for the days where the routine just doesn’t work. Sometimes we aren’t home for nap time. Maybe we don’t have time between coming home and meal time for the regular routine. Thankfully our children thrive on routine but can absolutely handle deviating from it (and its probably good to do sometimes).

    Know what the most important parts of the plan are. If the end of play time involves picking up toys. Your toddler will probably be okay if you skipped it once because there isn’t time. The same might not be true if you try to skip the book at bedtime.

    Burnt-out Mom Surviving 10 minutes at a time
  • 10 minute tidy up: How to transform your home after frantic day

    10 minute tidy up: How to transform your home after frantic day

    Some days are just hectic and nonstop putting out fires. Often with a day like this a 10 minute tidy up will transform your home. Ideally after the 10 minute tidy you will find a place to unwind or work on a hobby for a few minutes.

    Where to start

    Start with putting water on to boil. I will tell you with just about any 10 minute tidy I do it starts with heating water for tea to enjoy after I am done. My favorite post hectic day tea is typically a turmeric and ginger tea.

    Give the kids a task they can handle independently during the 10 minute tidy. Remember this is something to be completed within 10 minutes that you do not need to manage.

    1 to 3 year olds can help with wiping tables, picking up laundry, or sweeping. Sometimes having a pile of wash cloths they can fold keeps them ‘helping’ and occupied.

    3 and 4 year olds can be very helpful putting away specific toys. Also, they are ready to be responsible for collecting dishes, trash, or laundry. Often at this age it is important to be specific and keep the requests small.

    5 to 10 year olds can clean up their toys without much further direction. They can help out with household chores also but I have found the biggest help on hectic days is if they can pick up toys.

    After the age of 10 they can help out with regular household tasks independently and they have less toys laying around. Look for an item that takes time (about 10 minutes) but would make a big impact. Ideas would be folding the pile of laundry, washing dishes, returning items to rooms.

    If you have a partner ask they to complete something specific as well. Lots of times our partner just does not know what we need or what would be helpful in the moment. Remember everyone’s day will be better if we all work together for just 10 minutes.

    10 minute tidy for an ultimate transformation

    Everyone else has a job. Now what?

    While our water heats up for our tea we are going to take 4 minutes and pick up the essentials. Trash, dishes, and laundry. Don’t be tempted to wash dishes or laundry just bring it to their proper location.

    Next we will pick our trigger area and focus on that. For me that means clearing off all the items that don’t belong on the table and chairs. Everything goes back to the room or area it belongs. Do not actually put it away at this time unless it is very quick.

    Halfway Point

    Okay, so we made it halfway through our 10 minute tidy up. Put that hot water into your tea cup and lets move forward.

    Quick assessment. We now have all trash, laundry and dishes picked up. Our most triggering area completely clear. And I got to say… This feels good.

    It is time to pick the final boulder to tackle. While you were handling the rest of the tasks your eyes kept bringing you back to that one distracting thing. This is your chance to handle it. Chances are for my house there is a pile of 12 blankets unfolded in the middle of the living room floor and it has frustrated me every time I walked past it.

    Burnt-out Mom Surviving 10 minutes at a time

    Final 10 minute tidy up

    If there is any time left go ahead and handle some of the dishes. Or put those stacks of laundry away. Then pull out your favorite quiet time hobby and tea. Take the next 10 minutes to relax and catch your breath.

  • 5 Parenting Skills easily take out drama in 10 minutes

    5 Parenting Skills easily take out drama in 10 minutes

    Parenting is hard it seems to change with each stage of life. These 5 parenting skills can be used throughout all the years you have children in your house. Bonus these take less than 10 minutes at a time.

    Active Listening

    Parents spend lots of time directing our children on what to do. An equal amount of time is dedicated to telling them how good of a job they did or how hard they are working.

    When it comes to the parenting skill active listening we are going to take a 10 minute pause from all of that to listen. Without our own commentary, direction, or judgment. Sometimes an older child takes time to adjust to the new communication style.

    Different stages of their life looks a bit different but the idea is always let the child lead and be fully engaged without judgment. When you have a baby let them lead the cooing session. A toddler might use showing in their message. Your preschooler begins to expand on initial ideas. The school age years you will really begin to have depth and new ideas.

    Be consistent

    One major parenting skill that reduces frustration is consistency. Even small children pick up how our houses function. They will point out and question when we do things out of order. I remember on one occasion I tried to do bath before dinner because we were extra muddy and had limited time later. It didn’t go great.

    Consistency doesn’t mean you cannot be flexible but you wan to it on purpose. We have a rule that at certain times all toys get put away for the day. On occasion a request is made to leave a certain toy out. Sometimes the toy then gets a temporary new home.

    Don’t make lots of big changes at once because you cannot keep up on them all. Deciding what to be consistent on can be a challenge if you have not been consistent before. Pick something that is quick and has an impact. For instance the rule ‘toddlers clean up their own spills’. Will reduce water poured on the table at dinner and years of cleaning up after your child spills. Big impact for a 30 second task.

    The biggest impact for your child is being able to feel safe and confident. As they grow knowing what to expect reduces conflict. Although there will be periods of resistance or boundary pushing, your child can move through them quicker and easier if you have been consistent.

    Do something together

    I fully admit I am not great at playing with children. For the parenting skill of doing something together it does not need to be play. The skill revolves around together and there is nothing wrong with including them in your things.

    In my opinion you get bonus points if its something hard. Build a birdhouse, organize the garage, draw pictures, learn a language. Watching a movie together can be fun but not the most helpful option. If we are limited on time taking 10 minutes to work on something far outweighs the bonding you get from a movie.

    Encourage problem solving

    It is tough to start letting our children solve problems for themselves. With practice we can allow the children to develop these important independent skills. It feels quicker and easier to solve simple problems ourselves but it takes less than 10 minutes to use these 5 parenting skills to develop a child that doesn’t need it.

    Let them solve problems big and small. But try to limit it initially to problems that wont change their lives more than temporary.

    Parenting skills

    Encourage independence

    Independence like problem solving is a tough skill as a parent to start working on. It is hard to look at your two year old and think they can be responsible (partially) for themselves. It can also be hard to pack your middle school kid’s backpack because they haven’t learned to be responsible for it yet.

    What a child should do on their own and be responsible for depends on yourself and your child. It is important to have things they are responsible and capable of handling independently.

    Wrap up

    There are many things that we need to keep up with as parents. Follow the 5 parenting skills to keep things as simple as possible and have them fit into a ten minute window. This makes it feel more actionable and possible.