Perfect Life Problem

Filling life with challenges and joy.

Category: 10 minute parenting

  • Kitchen Independence: Simple Food Skills for Young Children

    Kitchen Independence: Simple Food Skills for Young Children

    Have you ever noticed how the kitchen—the heart of the home—is also ground zero for some of our biggest parenting tests of patience?

    We want our kids to be independent, but letting them serve themselves can feel like an invitation for chaos. Yet, every sticky counter and overturned jar is actually a building block for real life skills.

    This Week at the Forest Bus Stop

    (Overheard while waiting for the morning pickup…)

    Big Bear: Morning, Badger! You’re looking extra caffeinated today. Everything okay at breakfast?

    Big Badger: Oh, Bear… I tried letting Little Badger spread his own cream cheese on a bagel today. There is now cream cheese on the toaster, the floor, and somehow behind his left ear.

    (I had to hide a smile behind my coffee cup. We’ve all been there! Letting little hands handle food is messy work, but man, the pride on their faces when they manage it is worth every paper towel.)

    Story From the Trail

    My kids have a hilarious, deeply serious obsession: they love olives. All olives. Black, green, kalamata, stuffed—you name it. They actually take the time to select the specific “type” of olive that best pairs with whatever meal we’re having. There is always a preferred olive for the occasion!

    Because we encourage kitchen independence, everyone gets to serve their own olives. Now, if you’ve ever tried to get an olive out of a jar, you know those things are packed tightly in there. It’s hard enough for an adult to pull out just one (or three, if that’s your goal!). Normally, when the kids serve themselves, the only outcome worth noting is that they take about four times as many olives as I would have given them.

    But the other night was taco night, and we had an incident.

    One of the kids was trying so hard to free an olive from a freshly opened jar. Too much force was used, the spoon slipped, and the entire jar fell over, spilling olive brine and olives all over the table and floor.

    The room went totally silent. The look of sheer shock and heartbreak on the kids’ faces was so real. They stood there completely frozen, waiting to see how the room would react to the great taco night olive disaster.

    Field Notes

    That taco night olive spill reminded me of a huge truth about kitchen independence for young children: spills aren’t failures; they’re the price of admission for learning.

    It would be so much easier (and cleaner!) for us to just dish out every item onto their plates ourselves. But when we allow kids to serve themselves—even tricky things like tightly packed olives—we give them space to build fine motor control, practice spatial awareness, and learn how much force is “too much.”

    My key takeaway was how important our reaction as parents is in that split second after an accident. When the jar knocked over, my kids weren’t being reckless; they were just working through a tricky physical problem. By staying calm, helping them clean up the brine, and salvaging what we could, we showed them that making a mess isn’t the end of the world. It’s just part of learning how to handle things yourself.

    Trail Marker

    Here is what to observe in the kitchen this week:

    • Watch for: The look on your child’s face right when a small spill or kitchen mishap occurs.
    • Observe: Do they look up at you with fear or shock, or do they pause calmly and reach for a napkin? How does your reaction shape their next move?
    Kitchen Independence

    10 Minute Side Trail

    Here is a super simple, low-stress activity you can try at breakfast or snack time to build confidence at the table!

    • Skill: Pouring Cereal
    • Age Range: 1–6 years old
    • Domain: Kitchen Independence
    • What You Will Need:
      • A small, lightweight plastic pitcher or measuring cup
      • A small bowl
      • A handful or two of dry cereal (like Cheerios or Chex)
    • Steps:
      • Pre-Measure: Pour a small, manageable amount of dry cereal into the small pitcher (don’t fill it to the top!).
      • Set the Stage: Place the bowl on a non-slip mat or flat table right in front of your child.
      • Demonstrate the Grip: Show them how to hold the pitcher handle with their dominant hand while supporting the side with their other hand (“Two hands for steady pouring!”).
      • The Pour: Let them tip the pitcher and guide the cereal into the bowl at their own pace.
      • Clean the Escapees: If a few pieces bounce onto the table, encourage them to use their “pincer fingers” (thumb and pointer finger) to drop them back into the bowl.
    • Success Looks Like: Your child using two hands to control the pitcher, keeping most of the cereal inside the bowl, and calmly picking up stray pieces without frustration.
    • Next Skill: Pouring Milk into Cereal (taking on liquid control!).
    Kitchen Independence

    Fox Discovery Trail

    After trying out the cereal pour or helping with meals, sit down for a quick cozy check-in over snack time:

    • What did you discover today?
    • What helped you?
    • What was the trickiest part?
    • What would you try next time?
    • What are you proud of?

    Little Fox & Big Fox After Trail

    (Fresh off the trail after trying our cereal pouring activity…)

    Big Fox: Alright Little Fox, now that you poured your own cereal into the bowl… what did you discover today?

    Little Fox: I discovered that one Cheerio rolled all the way under the toaster! He’s hiding.

    Big Fox: (Laughs) He sure is! But what helped you pour the rest of them into the bowl?

    Little Fox: Using two hands! Like a big monster lifting a heavy rock!

    Big Fox: Exactly, two hands keep it steady. What was the trickiest part?

    Little Fox: I don’t know… hey, look, there’s a bird outside the window! Is he eating a Cheerio too?

    Big Fox: Maybe he is! Last question, buddy: What are you super proud of?

    Little Fox: I’m proud that I didn’t spill the milk!

    Big Fox: (Smiles) But we didn’t even pour milk today, we just poured dry cereal!

    Little Fox: I know! That’s why I didn’t spill it!

    Big Fox: (Sips coffee) Hey, logic checks out! Good job, buddy.

    Nearby Trails

    Want to make kitchen independence easier on your nerves? Decant tricky items before mealtime! Put liquids into tiny cream pitchers and transfer tight items (like olives or pickles) out of deep jars and into low, wide bowls with small tongs. Smaller tools make big wins so much easier for tiny hands!

    Forest Committee Minutes

    (Inside the parent council brain)

    Big Bear: Look, I still say serving the olives for them saves ten minutes of cleanup and three paper towels. Efficiency!

    Big Badger: But Bear, if we always serve the olives, they’ll never learn how much muscle to use! When Little Badger knocked over the jar, sure it was messy, but he learned how to handle a slick glass jar.

    Wise Owl: Adjusts glasses. Indeed. Allowing children to participate in food preparation and self-serving builds hand-eye coordination, fine motor strength, and self-efficacy. Experiencing minor, non-hazardous consequences—like a spill—teaches natural cause-and-effect.

    Squeaky Squirrel: (Scribbling furiously on a pad) Right, right… but what do I do about the olive brine smell soaked into the table runner?!

    Wise Owl: You gently involve the young squirrel in wiping down the table, reinforcing that cleanup is simply the final step of meal preparation.

    Big Badger: Exactly! Hand them a cloth, pour another cup of coffee, and let those little chefs keep practicing!

    Kitchen Independence
  • Problem Solving: Raising Kids Who Try Before Asking for Help

    Problem Solving: Raising Kids Who Try Before Asking for Help

    This Week at the Forest Bus Stop

    (Overheard at the morning pickup…)

    Big Bear: Hi Badger! We missed you yesterday. Is Little Badger feeling better today?

    Big Badger: Hi Bear! Little Badger is feeling great. They had a hard test yesterday so we kept him home that way they weren’t uncomfortable.

    (I had to giggle into my coffee cup at that one. Oh, Badger, we’ve all wanted to shield our little ones from uncomfortable things! But man, those uncomfortable moments are where the magic happens.)

    Story From the Trail

    So, listen to what happened at our house the other day. Someone had removed the stool from the kitchen. It was being used as a prop for a fort, making it completely unavailable for the rest of the day.

    Normally, I would have marched over, dismantled the fort, and put the stool back where it belonged. But I stopped myself. I thought it would be interesting to just sit back and see what would happen throughout the day. How were they going to reach the counter, the sink, the cupboards, or the drawers?

    It was absolute comedy gold, honestly. Some solutions were definitely safer than others. Some were quick, some took forever, and a whole bunch of them just straight-up didn’t work.

    We had chair-climbing. We had random jumping. At one point, one child literally sat on the floor, looked up at the counter, and politely asked the cup to come down. (Honestly, knowing them, that might have happened even with the stool available!) But my absolute favorite was when an entire obstacle course was constructed—because, obviously, you simply cannot just step onto a ledge without a dramatic warm-up route first.

    Field Notes

    Here’s what totally blew my mind: they didn’t ask for my help any more than normal.

    They actually enjoyed solving the problem. Sometimes it was super practical, and other times it looked like a full-blown science experiment. It was so fascinating to watch because they already knew the standard way to reach the counter, but taking away their usual tool unlocked this whole creative playground.

    It made me reflect a lot. I realized I’ve been assuming that when the kids ask for help with something I know they can do, they’re just being stubborn or lazy. But watching them this week made me wonder… what if they aren’t being stubborn at all? What if they’re asking for help simply because they want connection with us?

    I still firmly believe they should do things themselves most of the time, but if the request isn’t happening constantly, maybe it’s just their little way of saying, “Hey, be near me for a second.”

    Trail Marker

    Here is something fun for you to try at your house this week:

    • Watch for: Pay attention to what your child does when something doesn’t go right on the very first try.
    • Observe: How do they handle that initial spark of frustration? Do they try a totally new way of doing it? Or do they pivot and break it down into a simpler problem?
    Problem Solving

    10 Minute Side Trail

    Here’s a quick, super fun game you can play today that turns problem-solving into a total adventure!

    • Skill: “The Floor is Lava” Bedroom Escape (leaving the room without touching the floor)
    • Age Range: 1–6 years old
    • Domain: Problem Solving
    • What You Will Need:
      • Pillows, couch cushions, or folded bath towels
      • A few sturdy hardcover books or flat cardboard pieces
    • Steps:
      • Set the Scene: Declare that the bedroom carpet has officially turned into glowing hot lava, and the only safe zone is out in the hallway!
      • Gather Supplies: Show them a small pile of cushions and towels near the bed/starting spot and ask, “How can we use these to get all the way to the door?”
      • Let Them Plan & Test: Stand back while they lay down their “stepping stones.” Let them test if a jump is too far or if a cushion slides.
      • Tweak the Route: If they get stuck halfway across, encourage them to adjust their path or move a pillow from behind them to the front.
      • Celebrate the Crossing: Give a huge cheer when their feet safely land on the hallway “island!”
    • Success Looks Like: Your child testing distances, course-correcting when a gap is too wide, managing a little wobble with a grin, and reaching the doorway on their own.
    • Next Skill: Navigating obstacles while carrying a payload (e.g., rescuing a stuffed animal from the lava zone).
    Problem Solving

    Fox Discovery Trail

    When your kiddo finishes working through a tricky moment, try chatting through a few of these lighthearted questions together over a snack:

    • What did you discover today?
    • What helped you out the most?
    • What was the trickiest part?
    • What would you try next time?

    Little Fox & Big Fox After Trail

    Little Fox: Daddy, remember when you tried to fix the kitchen sink pipe with duct tape and a rubber band?

    Big Fox: Hey now, that was a calculated engineering experiment!

    Little Fox: It sprayed water all over your face.

    Big Fox: …Which taught us two very important problem-solving lessons: water pressure is real, and sometimes the best solution is knowing when to call a professional. See? Total learning moment.

    Nearby Trails

    If you’re loving this mindset shift, keep an eye out for ways to let your kids embrace messy, imperfect solutions this week. Let the shoe go on the wrong foot for three steps if they put it on themselves. Let the tower fall. It’s all building that brain muscle!

    Forest Committee Minutes

    (A peek inside every parent’s internal council meeting)

    Big Bear: Look, I still say giving them a sturdy chair right away is better. Safer, faster, fewer dramatic obstacle courses in the kitchen.

    Big Badger: But Bear, if we step in too fast, we miss the magic! My Little Badger tried to convince a banana to peel itself yesterday. Did it work? No. But the creativity!

    Wise Owl: Pushes up glasses. Research does show that allowing children space to encounter minor friction builds self-efficacy. When we rush to solve every minor inconvenience, we inadvertently signal that we don’t trust their abilities.

    Squeaky Squirrel: (Scribbling furiously on a notepad) Okay, cool, cool… but what do I do when their “creative solution” involves peanut butter on the living room rug?

    Wise Owl: Ah. That is when you transition from “observing the experiment” to “guiding the cleanup with deep, soothing breaths.”

    Big Badger: Exactly. You just hand them a towel and ask, “What’s your plan for getting the peanut butter off the carpet, buddy?”

    Squeaky Squirrel: (Sighs, drinks more coffee) Right. Deep breaths. Handing them the towel. We’re raising problem solvers here!

    Problem Solving
  • Home Contribution: Why Children Should Help Around the House

    Home Contribution: Why Children Should Help Around the House

    This Week at the Forest Bus Stop

    Children should help around the house so they can brag to their friends.

    Little Fox: I did the laundry last night! I didn’t know I could do that!

    Little Raccoon: I took care of the campers trash.

    Story From the Trail

    I surprised myself today and said yes when the kids wanted to rearrange their room. Normally they are told no mostly because it is easier for me to remember where everything goes if it doesn’t change. Working on transferring the ownership of the room to the kids means letting go of some control.

    To get to the point I said yes they first drew a diagram of the new bedroom layout. Some details were missing and it wasn’t to scale but clearly thought was put into it. Dressers were not included in the design but everyone was in agreement.

    Next, they agreed to deep clean the room. They have seen other similar projects and apparently have been taking notes. When they called me to the room to help move the furniture the room was not perfect but it was ready for adult guidance.

    Field Notes

    I was surprised with how enthusiastic people were to help each other.

    The children showed they do know what clean looks like and how to get there.

    Delighted to clean. While the kids were working together it sounded like play.

    Trail Marker

    Family contribution trail marker signs to watch for.

    Watch for: What does your child ask to help you with?

    Observe: What happened after your child helped with a task?

    Trail Marker Children Should Help

    10 Minute Side Trail

    Letting our children feel useful can be simple and fun. For today’s 10 minute side trail all we are going to do is have our child push in a chair to help us complete a chore. Next time you sweep under the table pull the chairs out to sweep. Then as you go around invite them to assist pushing the chairs back in.

    10 minute side trail children should help

    Fox Discovery Trail

    What did you notice?

    Which was the trickiest part?

    What will you try next time?

    How will you react if something doesn’t go as planned?

    What helped you?

    Little Fox & Big Fox After Trail

    Big Fox: Thank you for your help with the sweeping. What did you notice?

    Little Fox: I’m strong!

    Big Fox: You sure worked hard to help. What was the trickiest part?

    Little Fox: Making them straight.

    Big Fox: What will you try next time?

    Little Fox: The fish.

    Big Fox: What will you do if something doesn’t go as planned?

    Little Fox: Catch more fish.

    Big Fox: What helped you?

    Little Fox: Dad

    Nearby Trails

    If your child liked helping with this task try

    Let them try to sweep themselves.

    Wiping down the table.

    Carrying laundry.

    Folding Socks.

    Forest Committee Minutes

    Big Badger: Pushing in a chair doesn’t seem too hard. Shouldn’t we have them start with sweeping?

    Big Rabbit: Well it would be helpful to have someone push in my 20 babies chairs. It can be a lot to keep up with.

    Big Raccoon: Shouldn’t we have our babies playing outside until morning? That’s what we did in the 90’s.

    Forest committee minutes children should help
  • Being Prepared: Raising a Child Who Remembers Their Stuff

    Being Prepared: Raising a Child Who Remembers Their Stuff

    The parental burden of remembering all of the things is reduced with a child who remembers their stuff. Our children can handle it when we let them begin to take on the responsibility. First lets prepare their ability to think about the future event.

    Why This Matters

    There are a few different ways a child remembers their stuff. Sometimes it is remembering to bring it with as in packing a bag for school or sports. Also, remembering when you brought it it outside or in the car.

    We also need to remember to take care of our things. This can be washing laundry or putting away fragile objects when a friend comes to play. When we are able to think through an activity or need ahead of time it reduces stress, increases responsibility, and reduces anxiety.

    Step by Step Teaching Guide

    In the being prepared section we will start with much of the burden of remembering being on the parent. Start with specific questions then with practice moving to broader questions before finally transferring responsibility.

    Initially we are guiding our child towards a specific known outcome. If your child has school/daycare tomorrow we want to prompt them to think about what they need. First they start by thinking tomorrow I have school. Then for school I need my back pack. Followed by these are the items I normally keep in my back pack. Eventually, your child will be able to remember special items for specific days.

    Common Mistakes

    The most common mistake when helping our children to be prepared is doing most of the thinking for them. To start with we are modeling the activity and showing them how we think through the process. But we do need to let go and let the child be responsible for thinking.

    We save our children when they forget something. Now I am not talking about sending your 4 year old to school without a lunch because they forgot. But maybe their special stuffed friend that they take everyday. If they are forgetting to pack their lunch ask questions to prompt the response but avoid ‘did you pack your lunch’ because then you are thinking for them.

    10 Minute Challenge

    Kids love to pack bags and we are going to make a game of it. First we are going to practice the thinking skills for remembering what to bring with.

    Begin with a regular outing like school or the park. If your child recently went to the zoo and cannot stop talking about it that’s a great candidate for an outing too.

    Start with the general description and a broad question. “Let’s play a game where we are packing a bag for school. What do you we need to pack?”. After they come up with their initial list provide prompts to further the thinking.

    “What will the weather be like” instead of “did you pack your rain boots”

    Fox Discovery Trail

    What did you notice?

    Where did you get stuck?

    What will you try next time?

    What will you do if something goes wrong? What could go wrong?

    How can I help?

    Little Fox and Big Fox After Challenge

    Big Fox: What did you notice in the game we just played?

    Little Fox: I don’t know

    5 second pause

    Big Fox: I noticed it was easier to remember things to bring after we talked about the day.

    Big Fox: Where did you get stuck?

    Little Fox: I’m not stuck.

    5 second pause

    Big Fox: It took us longer at the end to think of the last things.

    Big Fox: What will you try next time?

    Little Fox: The big slide!

    5 second pause

    Big Fox: What could go wrong when we are packing our bags?

    Little Fox: I could forget something.

    Big Fox: How can I help?

    Little Fox: I don’t know

    Another successful Fox Discovery Trail in the books. Although the answers may not appear helpful (or off topic) we are practicing critical thinking about thinking. Well done Little Fox.

    Parent Time Saved

    The time that is saved by a child being responsible for their own things includes the daily time it takes you to pack the bags. It also includes the hours spent later in life dropping off school lunches, projects, and sports equipment. We avoid the last minute rush for spirit week and searching for sports equipment.

    Independence Ladder

    Answering specific prompts about preparation for routine outings

    Prompts become broader but still for routine outings

    Child is able to anticipate outing and prepare items

    Child is able to think of special events at routine outings (show and tell day at school)

    Child begins to think through non-routine outings and items needed with specific prompts

  • Why Helping Too Much Keeps Kids Dependent and Essential Action To Take Now.

    Why Helping Too Much Keeps Kids Dependent and Essential Action To Take Now.

    Have you ever noticed just how much preparation it takes to get the kids out the door? By the time you have all the bags packed, kids dressed, fed the kids, and found everyone’s shoes you are exhausted and frustrated. You may just be helping too much.

    Our children need to learn the executive skills it takes to be prepared. When we prepare everything for them and manage their time they stay dependent. It is not an easy transition when your child gets to middle school and they haven’t learned to prepare themselves.

    Skill Snapshot

    Why This Matters

    Starting the independent journey early can avoid us helping too much as they grow. Simple tasks like clearing your dish after dinner can be an easy transition to helping the family. Often you will find your child offering to clear your dish which changes how they view themselves in the family and with friends.

    Step by Step Teaching guide

    Teaching a new skill through this method will typically be done with a You do, We do, I do ladder method. Depending on the age and experience of your child some days you will spend much of your time in the ‘You do’ stage. This is what your child has been doing since birth while they are watching your daily routine. The change is that you are a bit more specific about them watching and engaging with you.

    Other portions of teaching the skill will include forward-chain and back-chain in order to successfully learn tasks. In back chaining you would complete almost the full process to start and then have your child complete the final step. In shoe tying they would just pull the laces tight at the end the first time. As they become proficient at the last step you can add in the prior step. The child has a positive feeling about the experience because they are able to complete it and are not overwhelmed with tackling the whole task at once.

    Forward chaining is similar but starts with only completing the first step in the process. I find this most helpful when the child is already familiar with all of the steps but this is a new scenario. For instance they already know how to fold a wash cloth and now learning to fold a hand towel.

    Common Mistakes

    There are a few things we do or feel as parents that keep our kids feeling too dependent on us. Often in the moment it is quicker, easier, and less messy to do it ourselves. At the age of one this is absolutely true. But it is also true at the age of 6 if its your child’s first attempt.

    Also, there is a lot of underestimating what a child is capable of. Along the same lines we compare what our child does to other children and sometimes feel they are behind. The truth is each child in on their own journey and that makes it hard to know what to allow them to handle.

    10 minute Challenge

    Clearing your dish after a meal. This important skill provides opportunities to help the family and be responsible for yourself. What success looks like with this goal for a first grade is clearing their dish after every meal without a reminder. Being able to successfully clear any remaining food on the plate and prepare the dish for washing. An added bonus you will find is the occasional offer to clear other dishes for the family.

    Take 10 minutes today to show your child. How to carry their plate to the counter. Also, discuss how to solve any challenges that they face along the way. Your child might not be tall enough to reach the counter but we can still find a way to accomplish the task.

    Show your child the future steps that will be completed. Like fully clearing the dish of food and preparing it for washing. Your child may start to attempt to clear food independently when they know to do it. It could be some time before its done well depending on their age.

    Helping too much

    Parent time saved

    Depending on how your household functions the task of collecting dishes from around the house can take up a lot of time. In this case we will assume the dishes are being cleared from the table at regular meal and snack times. If it saves you 1 minute per meal/snack that’s 5 minutes a day. 35 minutes a week and 30 hours a year. I know we wont be having every meal at home especially with school/daycare but the time saved is no joke.

    Helping too much

    Independence Ladder

    Clear dish after meal >

    Clear food off plate >

    Prepare dishes for washing >

    Help clear family dishes >

    Put dishes in dish washer

    Helping too much
  • The 12 Domains of Independence by 1st Grade

    The 12 Domains of Independence by 1st Grade

    The 12 domains of independence is a structure used to break down the big goal of childhood independence. Breaking down what to work on next is easier when like tasks are together. When you review the list of domains take a moment to think which domains could use a little work.

    Getting Ready

    The getting ready domain of independence involves all the tasks it takes to leave the house or transition to a new part of the day. Your child will be able to fully get ready for the day by first grade.

    They can get dressed, handle basic hygiene, prepare a simple meal, and pick up after themselves. Many of these tasks are addressed in other areas. These are prioritized in the getting ready domain as they can change the mood of the whole day.

    Being Prepared

    Being prepared domain of independence pairs well with getting ready. In the being prepared section the child looks at the future and decides what is needed. This can start with checking the weather to pick the right outfit.

    Packing snacks, lunches, and backpacks the night before falls into this category. Items like this help to look at the future and decide what is needed. Packing sports bags and being responsible for water bottles when leaving the house are important skills.

    Personal Hygiene

    The Personal Hygiene domain refers to basic hygiene. While brushing teeth and washing hair may not be a fully independent skill for some time it is a skill they can practice independently.

    Many skills that fall into this domain include toilet use, washing hands, and blowing nose. These tasks can be handled independently. Other items like knowing nails need to be trimmed provide an opportunity for the child to speak up for themselves.

    Home Contribution

    Contributing to the household keeps the house running smoothly. In this domain of independence it is important to remember that we are not looking for perfection. At this stage we are looking for participation and learning.

    A simple place to start is picking up toys and cleaning spills. This can also include setting the table or cleaning up after meals.

    Problem Solving

    Independent children are problem solvers. Be ready for some creative problem solving which may not be your idea of the right way to solve the problem.

    Not every attempt made will turn out fantastic. Let them take small risks and fail. They will just solve the problem again and better next time. We want our children to practice when the problems are small not wait until they are older and the problems are a bit more permanent.

    Communication

    Communication domain of independence can be challenging but it pays off. The growth our children have between 1 and 6 in communication skills is amazing. You go from having a handful of words to expressing creative ideas and whole conversations.

    Throughout these years we have the tantrums, the why’s, the no’s, and the oversharing with strangers. We have to teach our children how to speak up for themselves as well as how to not interrupt others when they are talking.

    Kitchen Independence

    Don’t expect your child to cook full meals by themselves. With practice children follow recipes and bake cookies. And more practically they will prepare an after school snack.

    Kids enjoy cooking with you. They happily stir a pot of chili for 30 minutes if you are in the kitchen washing dishes and wiping down counters.

    Gross Motor

    For this domain of independence we need to move our bodies. Run, walk, dance, jump, and ride some bikes. Balance, push, pull, and bend.

    Healthy bodies move and often. These movements also help our children to work through frustration and tough problems.

    Fine Motor

    Fine motor skills will be used to tie shoes, buttons, and zippers. All that just to get out the door! We practice using pencils and crayons as well as scissors.

    Financial Literacy

    Financial Literacy in this case is not be introducing the idea of a 401K. There is much to learn early about finances before your child has their first dollar. This begins with understanding the difference between needs and wants.

    It is important to discuss earning money, budgeting, and spending. Now we aren’t getting too deep into this. It can all come out simply when they are playing their ice cream shop game.

    Early Literacy

    We use books and handle them nicely. Such an important thing to learn early. By 1st grade they will have been introduced to all of the letters and quite a few of their sounds. They may not be able to read and write but should have an understanding that letters make words. And words turn into stories.

    Emotional Self-Management

    Emotional self-management is a life long pursuit for us. This is our children’s first attempt at being able to manage and work through their emotions. Calming and coping strategies should be worked through while the child is calm and feeling good.

    Our children will have new feelings they have not experienced before. Sometimes this is confusing and it can help to name the feeling and discuss where in their body they feel it.

  • What is Independence by First Grade?

    What is Independence by First Grade?

    What Independence by first grade means for you is decreasing parental mental load and frustration while increasing your child’s confidence and responsibility. Imagine the confidence your child has when feeling “I can do it myself” while reducing your overwhelm of “I have to do everything”. It means learning independence skills while your child’s brain is primed for learning and is not afraid of mistakes.

    Who is Independence by First Grade for?

    Independence by First Grade is for any parent of a child between 1 and 6. During this period of development children have a desire to be independent. This is a period of rapid growth and development in children. The majority of growth occurs through play.

    This is intended to meet you and your child where you are at and encourage growth from with 10 minute challenges. Big goals like getting ready for school independently can be broke down to simple tasks. You will look at the next step and work through a 10 minute challenge to meet the goal.

    If your child has special needs you may need to adapt your expectations. Even if your child can not be fully independent it is important to provide ways where they can. Children are constantly learning, growing and making new connections in the early years.

    What Does an Independent First Grader look like?

    An independent first grader still needs plenty of assistance but without constant reminders. Independent first graders are capable of trying and failing hard things. They are able to speak up for themselves and take responsibility for their needs.

    Independence by first grade leads to confident children who enjoy learning and trying new things. Resilience gives them the ability to continue to try when it gets hard or they fail. The children have positive self image and are able to

    Planning and organization is not a skill that you typically think of for 1st graders. After following independence by first grade ladder for being prepared you will be amazed what is possible. Your child is capable with practice and preparation to pack bags for school and sports including making sure their uniform was washed.

    What are the benefits for the parent?

    Many of the problems you hear from parents of school age children can be saved by promoting independence. No more dropping off forgot lunches and school projects. School mornings your child is up and ready with no input or requests from you.

    There is more quality time with your children. When you are not managing your child’s life you are free to enjoy them.

    What Independence by First Grade is not.

    Your independent first grader still needs you a lot. They just need you in different ways.

    Instead of…. Spending 5 minutes packing their backpack

    They might need… a quick snuggle and hug

    Instead of… spending 30 minutes getting them dressed and washed up for school

    They might need… breakfast with you talking about what they are looking forward to at school

    Instead of… spending 30 minutes a day reminding them to do things

    They might need… going for a bike ride together

    Instead of… coming home from work and feeling burned-out with all the tasks to do

    They might need… Bonding time cooking dinner together

    With an independent young child you will feel as though you get the chance to enjoy their childhood more. Parental burn-out decreases as you are no longer the mental load carrier for everything. Your child still needs you quite a bit. You are no longer putting the effort into things they can do for themselves. Instead you are putting in the effort for connection and providing opportunities for growth. Independence by first grade will change how the household operates.

    What to do next?

    Take 10 intentional minutes a day to move toward the big goal of childhood independence. Next we will talk about the domains that the skills will be broken down into.

  • 5 Parenting Skills easily take out drama in 10 minutes

    5 Parenting Skills easily take out drama in 10 minutes

    Parenting is hard it seems to change with each stage of life. These 5 parenting skills can be used throughout all the years you have children in your house. Bonus these take less than 10 minutes at a time.

    Active Listening

    Parents spend lots of time directing our children on what to do. An equal amount of time is dedicated to telling them how good of a job they did or how hard they are working.

    When it comes to the parenting skill active listening we are going to take a 10 minute pause from all of that to listen. Without our own commentary, direction, or judgment. Sometimes an older child takes time to adjust to the new communication style.

    Different stages of their life looks a bit different but the idea is always let the child lead and be fully engaged without judgment. When you have a baby let them lead the cooing session. A toddler might use showing in their message. Your preschooler begins to expand on initial ideas. The school age years you will really begin to have depth and new ideas.

    Be consistent

    One major parenting skill that reduces frustration is consistency. Even small children pick up how our houses function. They will point out and question when we do things out of order. I remember on one occasion I tried to do bath before dinner because we were extra muddy and had limited time later. It didn’t go great.

    Consistency doesn’t mean you cannot be flexible but you wan to it on purpose. We have a rule that at certain times all toys get put away for the day. On occasion a request is made to leave a certain toy out. Sometimes the toy then gets a temporary new home.

    Don’t make lots of big changes at once because you cannot keep up on them all. Deciding what to be consistent on can be a challenge if you have not been consistent before. Pick something that is quick and has an impact. For instance the rule ‘toddlers clean up their own spills’. Will reduce water poured on the table at dinner and years of cleaning up after your child spills. Big impact for a 30 second task.

    The biggest impact for your child is being able to feel safe and confident. As they grow knowing what to expect reduces conflict. Although there will be periods of resistance or boundary pushing, your child can move through them quicker and easier if you have been consistent.

    Do something together

    I fully admit I am not great at playing with children. For the parenting skill of doing something together it does not need to be play. The skill revolves around together and there is nothing wrong with including them in your things.

    In my opinion you get bonus points if its something hard. Build a birdhouse, organize the garage, draw pictures, learn a language. Watching a movie together can be fun but not the most helpful option. If we are limited on time taking 10 minutes to work on something far outweighs the bonding you get from a movie.

    Encourage problem solving

    It is tough to start letting our children solve problems for themselves. With practice we can allow the children to develop these important independent skills. It feels quicker and easier to solve simple problems ourselves but it takes less than 10 minutes to use these 5 parenting skills to develop a child that doesn’t need it.

    Let them solve problems big and small. But try to limit it initially to problems that wont change their lives more than temporary.

    Parenting skills

    Encourage independence

    Independence like problem solving is a tough skill as a parent to start working on. It is hard to look at your two year old and think they can be responsible (partially) for themselves. It can also be hard to pack your middle school kid’s backpack because they haven’t learned to be responsible for it yet.

    What a child should do on their own and be responsible for depends on yourself and your child. It is important to have things they are responsible and capable of handling independently.

    Wrap up

    There are many things that we need to keep up with as parents. Follow the 5 parenting skills to keep things as simple as possible and have them fit into a ten minute window. This makes it feel more actionable and possible.