Perfect Life Problem

Filling life with challenges and joy.

Category: Toddler

  • Problem Solving: Raising Kids Who Try Before Asking for Help

    Problem Solving: Raising Kids Who Try Before Asking for Help

    This Week at the Forest Bus Stop

    (Overheard at the morning pickup…)

    Big Bear: Hi Badger! We missed you yesterday. Is Little Badger feeling better today?

    Big Badger: Hi Bear! Little Badger is feeling great. They had a hard test yesterday so we kept him home that way they weren’t uncomfortable.

    (I had to giggle into my coffee cup at that one. Oh, Badger, we’ve all wanted to shield our little ones from uncomfortable things! But man, those uncomfortable moments are where the magic happens.)

    Story From the Trail

    So, listen to what happened at our house the other day. Someone had removed the stool from the kitchen. It was being used as a prop for a fort, making it completely unavailable for the rest of the day.

    Normally, I would have marched over, dismantled the fort, and put the stool back where it belonged. But I stopped myself. I thought it would be interesting to just sit back and see what would happen throughout the day. How were they going to reach the counter, the sink, the cupboards, or the drawers?

    It was absolute comedy gold, honestly. Some solutions were definitely safer than others. Some were quick, some took forever, and a whole bunch of them just straight-up didn’t work.

    We had chair-climbing. We had random jumping. At one point, one child literally sat on the floor, looked up at the counter, and politely asked the cup to come down. (Honestly, knowing them, that might have happened even with the stool available!) But my absolute favorite was when an entire obstacle course was constructed—because, obviously, you simply cannot just step onto a ledge without a dramatic warm-up route first.

    Field Notes

    Here’s what totally blew my mind: they didn’t ask for my help any more than normal.

    They actually enjoyed solving the problem. Sometimes it was super practical, and other times it looked like a full-blown science experiment. It was so fascinating to watch because they already knew the standard way to reach the counter, but taking away their usual tool unlocked this whole creative playground.

    It made me reflect a lot. I realized I’ve been assuming that when the kids ask for help with something I know they can do, they’re just being stubborn or lazy. But watching them this week made me wonder… what if they aren’t being stubborn at all? What if they’re asking for help simply because they want connection with us?

    I still firmly believe they should do things themselves most of the time, but if the request isn’t happening constantly, maybe it’s just their little way of saying, “Hey, be near me for a second.”

    Trail Marker

    Here is something fun for you to try at your house this week:

    • Watch for: Pay attention to what your child does when something doesn’t go right on the very first try.
    • Observe: How do they handle that initial spark of frustration? Do they try a totally new way of doing it? Or do they pivot and break it down into a simpler problem?
    Problem Solving

    10 Minute Side Trail

    Here’s a quick, super fun game you can play today that turns problem-solving into a total adventure!

    • Skill: “The Floor is Lava” Bedroom Escape (leaving the room without touching the floor)
    • Age Range: 1–6 years old
    • Domain: Problem Solving
    • What You Will Need:
      • Pillows, couch cushions, or folded bath towels
      • A few sturdy hardcover books or flat cardboard pieces
    • Steps:
      • Set the Scene: Declare that the bedroom carpet has officially turned into glowing hot lava, and the only safe zone is out in the hallway!
      • Gather Supplies: Show them a small pile of cushions and towels near the bed/starting spot and ask, “How can we use these to get all the way to the door?”
      • Let Them Plan & Test: Stand back while they lay down their “stepping stones.” Let them test if a jump is too far or if a cushion slides.
      • Tweak the Route: If they get stuck halfway across, encourage them to adjust their path or move a pillow from behind them to the front.
      • Celebrate the Crossing: Give a huge cheer when their feet safely land on the hallway “island!”
    • Success Looks Like: Your child testing distances, course-correcting when a gap is too wide, managing a little wobble with a grin, and reaching the doorway on their own.
    • Next Skill: Navigating obstacles while carrying a payload (e.g., rescuing a stuffed animal from the lava zone).
    Problem Solving

    Fox Discovery Trail

    When your kiddo finishes working through a tricky moment, try chatting through a few of these lighthearted questions together over a snack:

    • What did you discover today?
    • What helped you out the most?
    • What was the trickiest part?
    • What would you try next time?

    Little Fox & Big Fox After Trail

    Little Fox: Daddy, remember when you tried to fix the kitchen sink pipe with duct tape and a rubber band?

    Big Fox: Hey now, that was a calculated engineering experiment!

    Little Fox: It sprayed water all over your face.

    Big Fox: …Which taught us two very important problem-solving lessons: water pressure is real, and sometimes the best solution is knowing when to call a professional. See? Total learning moment.

    Nearby Trails

    If you’re loving this mindset shift, keep an eye out for ways to let your kids embrace messy, imperfect solutions this week. Let the shoe go on the wrong foot for three steps if they put it on themselves. Let the tower fall. It’s all building that brain muscle!

    Forest Committee Minutes

    (A peek inside every parent’s internal council meeting)

    Big Bear: Look, I still say giving them a sturdy chair right away is better. Safer, faster, fewer dramatic obstacle courses in the kitchen.

    Big Badger: But Bear, if we step in too fast, we miss the magic! My Little Badger tried to convince a banana to peel itself yesterday. Did it work? No. But the creativity!

    Wise Owl: Pushes up glasses. Research does show that allowing children space to encounter minor friction builds self-efficacy. When we rush to solve every minor inconvenience, we inadvertently signal that we don’t trust their abilities.

    Squeaky Squirrel: (Scribbling furiously on a notepad) Okay, cool, cool… but what do I do when their “creative solution” involves peanut butter on the living room rug?

    Wise Owl: Ah. That is when you transition from “observing the experiment” to “guiding the cleanup with deep, soothing breaths.”

    Big Badger: Exactly. You just hand them a towel and ask, “What’s your plan for getting the peanut butter off the carpet, buddy?”

    Squeaky Squirrel: (Sighs, drinks more coffee) Right. Deep breaths. Handing them the towel. We’re raising problem solvers here!

    Problem Solving
  • Home Contribution: Why Children Should Help Around the House

    Home Contribution: Why Children Should Help Around the House

    This Week at the Forest Bus Stop

    Children should help around the house so they can brag to their friends.

    Little Fox: I did the laundry last night! I didn’t know I could do that!

    Little Raccoon: I took care of the campers trash.

    Story From the Trail

    I surprised myself today and said yes when the kids wanted to rearrange their room. Normally they are told no mostly because it is easier for me to remember where everything goes if it doesn’t change. Working on transferring the ownership of the room to the kids means letting go of some control.

    To get to the point I said yes they first drew a diagram of the new bedroom layout. Some details were missing and it wasn’t to scale but clearly thought was put into it. Dressers were not included in the design but everyone was in agreement.

    Next, they agreed to deep clean the room. They have seen other similar projects and apparently have been taking notes. When they called me to the room to help move the furniture the room was not perfect but it was ready for adult guidance.

    Field Notes

    I was surprised with how enthusiastic people were to help each other.

    The children showed they do know what clean looks like and how to get there.

    Delighted to clean. While the kids were working together it sounded like play.

    Trail Marker

    Family contribution trail marker signs to watch for.

    Watch for: What does your child ask to help you with?

    Observe: What happened after your child helped with a task?

    Trail Marker Children Should Help

    10 Minute Side Trail

    Letting our children feel useful can be simple and fun. For today’s 10 minute side trail all we are going to do is have our child push in a chair to help us complete a chore. Next time you sweep under the table pull the chairs out to sweep. Then as you go around invite them to assist pushing the chairs back in.

    10 minute side trail children should help

    Fox Discovery Trail

    What did you notice?

    Which was the trickiest part?

    What will you try next time?

    How will you react if something doesn’t go as planned?

    What helped you?

    Little Fox & Big Fox After Trail

    Big Fox: Thank you for your help with the sweeping. What did you notice?

    Little Fox: I’m strong!

    Big Fox: You sure worked hard to help. What was the trickiest part?

    Little Fox: Making them straight.

    Big Fox: What will you try next time?

    Little Fox: The fish.

    Big Fox: What will you do if something doesn’t go as planned?

    Little Fox: Catch more fish.

    Big Fox: What helped you?

    Little Fox: Dad

    Nearby Trails

    If your child liked helping with this task try

    Let them try to sweep themselves.

    Wiping down the table.

    Carrying laundry.

    Folding Socks.

    Forest Committee Minutes

    Big Badger: Pushing in a chair doesn’t seem too hard. Shouldn’t we have them start with sweeping?

    Big Rabbit: Well it would be helpful to have someone push in my 20 babies chairs. It can be a lot to keep up with.

    Big Raccoon: Shouldn’t we have our babies playing outside until morning? That’s what we did in the 90’s.

    Forest committee minutes children should help
  • Personal Hygine: Teaching Self-Care Skills

    Personal Hygine: Teaching Self-Care Skills

    This Week at the Forest Bus Stop… about teaching self-care skills

    Big Beaver: I read last night that I need to help little beaver brush their teeth until they are in middle school! Does that sound right?

    Big Fox: I thought that was why you chewed on trees.

    Story From the Trail

    Summertime and hygiene can get extra tricky. On one hand if a kid wants to practice self-care skills independently I’m excited plus it doesn’t need to be perfect. If baths are taken and someone want to wash their own hair but doesn’t do a great job… that’s perfect.

    We had a guest staying in the room where a bathtub is accessible making the regular bath schedule change. The fun that a group cubs have while navigating the waterfall called a shower is amusing. Maybe not great for actually cleaning.

    Personally, I am actually okay with that. Yes bathing is important but this week we took a moment to see what happens. Surprisingly I think I might implement a weekly on your own shower to the mix. Possibly with a followup sink hair washing.

    Field Notes

    I assumed only I could make sure a child under 8 could was themselves in the shower. It turns out between 2 and 7 they can handle it too.

    They might not wash behind their ears. Also, very willing to try.

    They might not have been the cleanest after but beamed with pride.

    Trail Marker

    Its important to make sure to stay on the right trail. Look for signs like:

    Does my child give me their arm to wash?

    Do they want to try to wash their hair?

    What part do they enjoy?

    Where is it immediately frustrating?

    10 Minute Side Trail

    Washing your face after a sticky meal. The nice thing about it is when kids get to be a certain age (different for everyone which doesn’t help). They naturally want their face to be cleaner. They do not always want some other Fox taking a wet towel to their face.

    After your icecream with chocolate syrup and sprinkles desert is complete simply offer a wet napkin.

    The coolest part of a side trail is that we are only on it to see what happens.

    Watch your child without interference. No prompting to wash their face, no telling them they missed a spot. We are just going to watch and see what happens. Take in all the views.

    Fox Discovery Trail

    This is where we later ask our child about receiving the wet napkin. We are not trying to steer their answers in any direction. Our goal is to give our child a chance to practice thinking about something that happened. And give our child a chance to try something without our help.

    What did you notice

    Where did you get stuck?

    What will you try next time?

    What will you do if something doesn’t go as planned?

    How can I help?

    (end of month) What are you proud of?

    Little Fox and Big Fox After Trail

    Big Fox: What did you notice when you had the wet napkin?

    Little Fox: It was cold

    Big Fox: What was the trickiest part?

    Little Fox: Finishing the ice cream before it melted.

    Big Fox: What will you try next time?

    Little Fox: Mixing it to make soup!

    Big Fox: Next time you try washing your face with a wet wash cloth what will you do if it doesn’t go as planned?

    Little Fox: I don’t know

    Big Fox: How can I help?

    Little Fox: You could do it

    Nearby Trails

    If this trail seemed interesting to you. Try keeping an extra eye out for the following:

    Desire to brush their hair

    Interest in using the bathroom

    Washing their body

    Forest Committee Minutes

    Raccoon: I wouldn’t let my babies wash their own faces.

    Rabbit: Are my babies faces dirty? Which one?

    Badger: I once knew a baby that always had a dirty face. It was a sign they had important things they were working on.

  • Being Prepared: Raising a Child Who Remembers Their Stuff

    Being Prepared: Raising a Child Who Remembers Their Stuff

    The parental burden of remembering all of the things is reduced with a child who remembers their stuff. Our children can handle it when we let them begin to take on the responsibility. First lets prepare their ability to think about the future event.

    Why This Matters

    There are a few different ways a child remembers their stuff. Sometimes it is remembering to bring it with as in packing a bag for school or sports. Also, remembering when you brought it it outside or in the car.

    We also need to remember to take care of our things. This can be washing laundry or putting away fragile objects when a friend comes to play. When we are able to think through an activity or need ahead of time it reduces stress, increases responsibility, and reduces anxiety.

    Step by Step Teaching Guide

    In the being prepared section we will start with much of the burden of remembering being on the parent. Start with specific questions then with practice moving to broader questions before finally transferring responsibility.

    Initially we are guiding our child towards a specific known outcome. If your child has school/daycare tomorrow we want to prompt them to think about what they need. First they start by thinking tomorrow I have school. Then for school I need my back pack. Followed by these are the items I normally keep in my back pack. Eventually, your child will be able to remember special items for specific days.

    Common Mistakes

    The most common mistake when helping our children to be prepared is doing most of the thinking for them. To start with we are modeling the activity and showing them how we think through the process. But we do need to let go and let the child be responsible for thinking.

    We save our children when they forget something. Now I am not talking about sending your 4 year old to school without a lunch because they forgot. But maybe their special stuffed friend that they take everyday. If they are forgetting to pack their lunch ask questions to prompt the response but avoid ‘did you pack your lunch’ because then you are thinking for them.

    10 Minute Challenge

    Kids love to pack bags and we are going to make a game of it. First we are going to practice the thinking skills for remembering what to bring with.

    Begin with a regular outing like school or the park. If your child recently went to the zoo and cannot stop talking about it that’s a great candidate for an outing too.

    Start with the general description and a broad question. “Let’s play a game where we are packing a bag for school. What do you we need to pack?”. After they come up with their initial list provide prompts to further the thinking.

    “What will the weather be like” instead of “did you pack your rain boots”

    Fox Discovery Trail

    What did you notice?

    Where did you get stuck?

    What will you try next time?

    What will you do if something goes wrong? What could go wrong?

    How can I help?

    Little Fox and Big Fox After Challenge

    Big Fox: What did you notice in the game we just played?

    Little Fox: I don’t know

    5 second pause

    Big Fox: I noticed it was easier to remember things to bring after we talked about the day.

    Big Fox: Where did you get stuck?

    Little Fox: I’m not stuck.

    5 second pause

    Big Fox: It took us longer at the end to think of the last things.

    Big Fox: What will you try next time?

    Little Fox: The big slide!

    5 second pause

    Big Fox: What could go wrong when we are packing our bags?

    Little Fox: I could forget something.

    Big Fox: How can I help?

    Little Fox: I don’t know

    Another successful Fox Discovery Trail in the books. Although the answers may not appear helpful (or off topic) we are practicing critical thinking about thinking. Well done Little Fox.

    Parent Time Saved

    The time that is saved by a child being responsible for their own things includes the daily time it takes you to pack the bags. It also includes the hours spent later in life dropping off school lunches, projects, and sports equipment. We avoid the last minute rush for spirit week and searching for sports equipment.

    Independence Ladder

    Answering specific prompts about preparation for routine outings

    Prompts become broader but still for routine outings

    Child is able to anticipate outing and prepare items

    Child is able to think of special events at routine outings (show and tell day at school)

    Child begins to think through non-routine outings and items needed with specific prompts

  • Getting Ready: Easily improve skills for calm mornings

    Getting Ready: Easily improve skills for calm mornings

    Do calm mornings as a parent sound fake? Well maybe they are if you want to sip coffee in peace while reading a novel or paint with the morning sun. You can get there if that’s the goal but we are talking about getting out the door for work, school, and daycare.

    The list of things that need to be done in a very short time frame is impressive. In order to have clam mornings we need to develop a clear structure where I children know either what comes next or what to do next.

    Why This Matters

    Calm mornings change the whole day. Days starting like this prepare our children and ourselves for all the hard and fun things for the day. If we are not teaching our children what mornings should look like then we are adding to the chaos.

    Our children can get themselves ready for the day. I mean completely ready if we allow them to by first grade. We do need to handle less than perfect outcomes along the day and continually, slowly allow the responsibility to transfer. This will come in stages and each time you see your child confidently handle a new responsibility you will see them smile.

    Step by Step Teaching Guide

    Getting out the door it is hard to imagine calm mornings. The goal is to give our children lots of opportunities to try. Both success and getting stuck are part of learning a skill.

    These mini lessons should not feel like a classroom. But much like a classroom it is the parents responsibility to set up the area for success. Before introducing a new skill think about the challenges your child might face. Also, save some challenges for them to think about and solve with you.

    Sometimes the 10 minute challenge will be a skill your child has mastered or is not quite ready for. If they are not quite ready for it still introduce the skill and follow the process. You still want to work through the skill with your child but responsibility will not transfer. If they have already mastered the skill I challenge you to ask your child what they want to do for themselves that is related to the task.

    After completing the 10-minute challenge begin the Fox Discovery Trail exploration. The best way to approach this step is to be curious since there is no right answer. In the responses listen for signs that your child is noticing their own thinking.

    Initially an ‘I don’t know’ response is appropriate since they haven’t built the skill of talking about their thinking. If you do receive this response wait another 5-10 seconds and see if they build on the response. Try narrowing the question if they still have not responded. Instead of ‘What did you notice’ try ‘What was your favorite part’.

    This is your child’s thinking time, it is important to let them do the thinking. If you notice they do not have the words to answer model this throughout the day.

    Common Mistakes with Calm Mornings

    We all know it is easier to do it yourself. Easier, quicker, quieter, less chaos. All of it. We need to -on purpose- let our children do the work in order to achieve calm mornings.

    Not giving our morning or our child enough time. If it takes your child 10 minutes to put on their shoes it is not okay to only give them 5 minutes.

    When the space is not designed for our children to be successful. We baby-proof and put things out of our children’s reach. Often this is much needed. But when our children are growing the space does not always grow with them.

    10 Minute Challenge

    Fox Discovery Trail

    What did you notice?

    Where did you get stuck?

    What will you try next time?

    What will you do if something goes wrong? How could go wrong?

    How can I help?

    Parent Time Saved

    Independence Ladder

    Carry water bottle or snack to car

    Put on shoes

    Put on socks

    Brush Hair

    Dress Independently

    Make Breakfast

    Make Bed

    Brush Teeth

  • Why Helping Too Much Keeps Kids Dependent and Essential Action To Take Now.

    Why Helping Too Much Keeps Kids Dependent and Essential Action To Take Now.

    Have you ever noticed just how much preparation it takes to get the kids out the door? By the time you have all the bags packed, kids dressed, fed the kids, and found everyone’s shoes you are exhausted and frustrated. You may just be helping too much.

    Our children need to learn the executive skills it takes to be prepared. When we prepare everything for them and manage their time they stay dependent. It is not an easy transition when your child gets to middle school and they haven’t learned to prepare themselves.

    Skill Snapshot

    Why This Matters

    Starting the independent journey early can avoid us helping too much as they grow. Simple tasks like clearing your dish after dinner can be an easy transition to helping the family. Often you will find your child offering to clear your dish which changes how they view themselves in the family and with friends.

    Step by Step Teaching guide

    Teaching a new skill through this method will typically be done with a You do, We do, I do ladder method. Depending on the age and experience of your child some days you will spend much of your time in the ‘You do’ stage. This is what your child has been doing since birth while they are watching your daily routine. The change is that you are a bit more specific about them watching and engaging with you.

    Other portions of teaching the skill will include forward-chain and back-chain in order to successfully learn tasks. In back chaining you would complete almost the full process to start and then have your child complete the final step. In shoe tying they would just pull the laces tight at the end the first time. As they become proficient at the last step you can add in the prior step. The child has a positive feeling about the experience because they are able to complete it and are not overwhelmed with tackling the whole task at once.

    Forward chaining is similar but starts with only completing the first step in the process. I find this most helpful when the child is already familiar with all of the steps but this is a new scenario. For instance they already know how to fold a wash cloth and now learning to fold a hand towel.

    Common Mistakes

    There are a few things we do or feel as parents that keep our kids feeling too dependent on us. Often in the moment it is quicker, easier, and less messy to do it ourselves. At the age of one this is absolutely true. But it is also true at the age of 6 if its your child’s first attempt.

    Also, there is a lot of underestimating what a child is capable of. Along the same lines we compare what our child does to other children and sometimes feel they are behind. The truth is each child in on their own journey and that makes it hard to know what to allow them to handle.

    10 minute Challenge

    Clearing your dish after a meal. This important skill provides opportunities to help the family and be responsible for yourself. What success looks like with this goal for a first grade is clearing their dish after every meal without a reminder. Being able to successfully clear any remaining food on the plate and prepare the dish for washing. An added bonus you will find is the occasional offer to clear other dishes for the family.

    Take 10 minutes today to show your child. How to carry their plate to the counter. Also, discuss how to solve any challenges that they face along the way. Your child might not be tall enough to reach the counter but we can still find a way to accomplish the task.

    Show your child the future steps that will be completed. Like fully clearing the dish of food and preparing it for washing. Your child may start to attempt to clear food independently when they know to do it. It could be some time before its done well depending on their age.

    Helping too much

    Parent time saved

    Depending on how your household functions the task of collecting dishes from around the house can take up a lot of time. In this case we will assume the dishes are being cleared from the table at regular meal and snack times. If it saves you 1 minute per meal/snack that’s 5 minutes a day. 35 minutes a week and 30 hours a year. I know we wont be having every meal at home especially with school/daycare but the time saved is no joke.

    Helping too much

    Independence Ladder

    Clear dish after meal >

    Clear food off plate >

    Prepare dishes for washing >

    Help clear family dishes >

    Put dishes in dish washer

    Helping too much
  • The 10-Minute Independence Challenge Method

    The 10-Minute Independence Challenge Method

    Ever find yourself feeling as though everything in the day is left up to you? Maybe you know that your child could do a task but you don’t have the time to teach or wait for them to do it. The 10-minute independence challenge method if a great way to slowly introduce new skills our children are ready for.

    What is the 10-Minute Independence Challenge Method?

    In the 10-minute independence challenge method we are introducing the next step or in some cases the final step in a process. This is done to keep the new skill achievable with wins in just 10 minutes.

    If our big goal is leaving the house on time you pick a small skill. The skill is something that your child is capable of but not doing now. Then we will spend just 10 minutes practicing the skill at a time we are not leaving the house.

    How did this method start?

    There was a period of time doing the toilet learning process where we got a puppy. My best friend came to visit and as we chatted I helped the kids with various tasks. If any child or puppy needed help with the facilities I literally dropped everything and ran to help. By the end of the night my friend was laughing and I was thinking ‘how did I get here?’.

    A few things came from this. The first was that I can only guarantee I have ten minutes to dedicate to an activity at a time. The second was I am not giving my kids the chance to learn how to do things for themselves. So often it is easier to just do the thing and continue on your day.

    I thought before this day that I was teaching my children to be independent. And I was. But not as intentionally or consistently as I would have liked. The 10-minute independence method gives me the chance to take 10 minutes to work on a skill but also lets me know what to do next.

    Independence Challenge Method

    Why is it only 10 minutes?

    Our children have short attention spans. We want to end the challenge before they lose interest. Some skills they will be really into and want to keep practicing. If they can continue practicing independently then great! But if they need your help to keep practicing find a way they can practice by themselves.

    It is often the independent practice after we step away where the magic happens. This is when they problem solve, build resilience, and get the confidence by completing a hard task by themselves. Maybe you wouldn’t let them continue to use a knife when you walk away. You could pull out play dough and a butter knife letting the skill building continue.

    We are busy and we can find 10 minutes. Honestly finding time to do the important things is just so hard. But it is hard to say that I don’t have 10 minutes for my kids. If you don’t have 10 minutes you can do a 5 minute version.

    Many of the skills you will actually spend less than 10 minutes on at a time. 10 minutes is the upper limit but this also isn’t a race to be finished. Take your time. Keep this enjoyable for your child. Have a goal for what success looks like for the end of the practice.

    Independence Challenge Method
  • The 12 Domains of Independence by 1st Grade

    The 12 Domains of Independence by 1st Grade

    The 12 domains of independence is a structure used to break down the big goal of childhood independence. Breaking down what to work on next is easier when like tasks are together. When you review the list of domains take a moment to think which domains could use a little work.

    Getting Ready

    The getting ready domain of independence involves all the tasks it takes to leave the house or transition to a new part of the day. Your child will be able to fully get ready for the day by first grade.

    They can get dressed, handle basic hygiene, prepare a simple meal, and pick up after themselves. Many of these tasks are addressed in other areas. These are prioritized in the getting ready domain as they can change the mood of the whole day.

    Being Prepared

    Being prepared domain of independence pairs well with getting ready. In the being prepared section the child looks at the future and decides what is needed. This can start with checking the weather to pick the right outfit.

    Packing snacks, lunches, and backpacks the night before falls into this category. Items like this help to look at the future and decide what is needed. Packing sports bags and being responsible for water bottles when leaving the house are important skills.

    Personal Hygiene

    The Personal Hygiene domain refers to basic hygiene. While brushing teeth and washing hair may not be a fully independent skill for some time it is a skill they can practice independently.

    Many skills that fall into this domain include toilet use, washing hands, and blowing nose. These tasks can be handled independently. Other items like knowing nails need to be trimmed provide an opportunity for the child to speak up for themselves.

    Home Contribution

    Contributing to the household keeps the house running smoothly. In this domain of independence it is important to remember that we are not looking for perfection. At this stage we are looking for participation and learning.

    A simple place to start is picking up toys and cleaning spills. This can also include setting the table or cleaning up after meals.

    Problem Solving

    Independent children are problem solvers. Be ready for some creative problem solving which may not be your idea of the right way to solve the problem.

    Not every attempt made will turn out fantastic. Let them take small risks and fail. They will just solve the problem again and better next time. We want our children to practice when the problems are small not wait until they are older and the problems are a bit more permanent.

    Communication

    Communication domain of independence can be challenging but it pays off. The growth our children have between 1 and 6 in communication skills is amazing. You go from having a handful of words to expressing creative ideas and whole conversations.

    Throughout these years we have the tantrums, the why’s, the no’s, and the oversharing with strangers. We have to teach our children how to speak up for themselves as well as how to not interrupt others when they are talking.

    Kitchen Independence

    Don’t expect your child to cook full meals by themselves. With practice children follow recipes and bake cookies. And more practically they will prepare an after school snack.

    Kids enjoy cooking with you. They happily stir a pot of chili for 30 minutes if you are in the kitchen washing dishes and wiping down counters.

    Gross Motor

    For this domain of independence we need to move our bodies. Run, walk, dance, jump, and ride some bikes. Balance, push, pull, and bend.

    Healthy bodies move and often. These movements also help our children to work through frustration and tough problems.

    Fine Motor

    Fine motor skills will be used to tie shoes, buttons, and zippers. All that just to get out the door! We practice using pencils and crayons as well as scissors.

    Financial Literacy

    Financial Literacy in this case is not be introducing the idea of a 401K. There is much to learn early about finances before your child has their first dollar. This begins with understanding the difference between needs and wants.

    It is important to discuss earning money, budgeting, and spending. Now we aren’t getting too deep into this. It can all come out simply when they are playing their ice cream shop game.

    Early Literacy

    We use books and handle them nicely. Such an important thing to learn early. By 1st grade they will have been introduced to all of the letters and quite a few of their sounds. They may not be able to read and write but should have an understanding that letters make words. And words turn into stories.

    Emotional Self-Management

    Emotional self-management is a life long pursuit for us. This is our children’s first attempt at being able to manage and work through their emotions. Calming and coping strategies should be worked through while the child is calm and feeling good.

    Our children will have new feelings they have not experienced before. Sometimes this is confusing and it can help to name the feeling and discuss where in their body they feel it.

  • How to Create a Toddler Routine Tips for Busy Parents

    How to Create a Toddler Routine Tips for Busy Parents

    Understanding the Importance of a Routine for Toddlers

    A consistent routine for toddlers changes everything about raising toddlers. The toddler routine tips will not fit every families lifestyle but the goal is to understand your families needs. Here is the thing. Out children understand our routine before they can follow a two step direction.

    How will a routine for toddlers change our lives? A consistent routine gives our children a chance to experience independence. The routine provides structure and security for our children to work on skills.

    Routines help our children to have a clear understanding of the world around them. They also teach our children how to problem solve and plan for the future.

    Starting a routine in the toddler years can reduce much of the frustration as our children grow. This gives our children to navigate and handle various emotions and expectations. Also, our children will learn they have a role and a place they fit in the household.

    Tips for Creating a Simple and Effective Toddler Routine

    Expect the routine to change overtime. There is no perfect plan that will last forever. Nap time changes, seasons change, and your child will become more capable every day.

    Plan for the hardest days. Initially when starting a plan create it for the hardest days. To start with creating a routine with what is already happening.

    Know your priorities. Free play? Nature play? Clean house? Cute outfits? Independence? Bonding time?

    Name your key activities. Your key activities are the times you will have routines around. Things like nap time, meal time, leaving the house, coming home, morning, and playtime.

    How to Get Out the Door Without Frustration: Toddler morning routine

    Involving Your Toddler in Routine Planning

    Your toddler is old enough and will benefit from helping to plan the routines. They will be responsible for the routine in varying degrees so its important they feel part of the process.

    Some ideas of parts of the routine they can choose

    • Number of books at bedtime
    • Order of routine (do we read a book then do tuck ins?)
    • How many outfits they can pick from
    • Independent activities for quiet times
    • What chore they will be responsible for during pick up times

    Adapting Routines During Busy Days

    Plan ahead for the days where the routine just doesn’t work. Sometimes we aren’t home for nap time. Maybe we don’t have time between coming home and meal time for the regular routine. Thankfully our children thrive on routine but can absolutely handle deviating from it (and its probably good to do sometimes).

    Know what the most important parts of the plan are. If the end of play time involves picking up toys. Your toddler will probably be okay if you skipped it once because there isn’t time. The same might not be true if you try to skip the book at bedtime.

    Burnt-out Mom Surviving 10 minutes at a time
  • 10 minute tidy up: How to transform your home after frantic day

    10 minute tidy up: How to transform your home after frantic day

    Some days are just hectic and nonstop putting out fires. Often with a day like this a 10 minute tidy up will transform your home. Ideally after the 10 minute tidy you will find a place to unwind or work on a hobby for a few minutes.

    Where to start

    Start with putting water on to boil. I will tell you with just about any 10 minute tidy I do it starts with heating water for tea to enjoy after I am done. My favorite post hectic day tea is typically a turmeric and ginger tea.

    Give the kids a task they can handle independently during the 10 minute tidy. Remember this is something to be completed within 10 minutes that you do not need to manage.

    1 to 3 year olds can help with wiping tables, picking up laundry, or sweeping. Sometimes having a pile of wash cloths they can fold keeps them ‘helping’ and occupied.

    3 and 4 year olds can be very helpful putting away specific toys. Also, they are ready to be responsible for collecting dishes, trash, or laundry. Often at this age it is important to be specific and keep the requests small.

    5 to 10 year olds can clean up their toys without much further direction. They can help out with household chores also but I have found the biggest help on hectic days is if they can pick up toys.

    After the age of 10 they can help out with regular household tasks independently and they have less toys laying around. Look for an item that takes time (about 10 minutes) but would make a big impact. Ideas would be folding the pile of laundry, washing dishes, returning items to rooms.

    If you have a partner ask they to complete something specific as well. Lots of times our partner just does not know what we need or what would be helpful in the moment. Remember everyone’s day will be better if we all work together for just 10 minutes.

    10 minute tidy for an ultimate transformation

    Everyone else has a job. Now what?

    While our water heats up for our tea we are going to take 4 minutes and pick up the essentials. Trash, dishes, and laundry. Don’t be tempted to wash dishes or laundry just bring it to their proper location.

    Next we will pick our trigger area and focus on that. For me that means clearing off all the items that don’t belong on the table and chairs. Everything goes back to the room or area it belongs. Do not actually put it away at this time unless it is very quick.

    Halfway Point

    Okay, so we made it halfway through our 10 minute tidy up. Put that hot water into your tea cup and lets move forward.

    Quick assessment. We now have all trash, laundry and dishes picked up. Our most triggering area completely clear. And I got to say… This feels good.

    It is time to pick the final boulder to tackle. While you were handling the rest of the tasks your eyes kept bringing you back to that one distracting thing. This is your chance to handle it. Chances are for my house there is a pile of 12 blankets unfolded in the middle of the living room floor and it has frustrated me every time I walked past it.

    Burnt-out Mom Surviving 10 minutes at a time

    Final 10 minute tidy up

    If there is any time left go ahead and handle some of the dishes. Or put those stacks of laundry away. Then pull out your favorite quiet time hobby and tea. Take the next 10 minutes to relax and catch your breath.