The Importance of Developmental Skills for Toddlers

As a parent we are too often concerned about what essential toddler skills our children should be working on (and rightfully so). The past 3 years have been full of hitting many milestones but as we see preschool approaching it is easy to ask are they ready?

Our preschoolers learn a lot over the year in the classroom and we want them to be ready to learn. There is no need to intentionally teach preschool topics like letters, numbers, and colors. Naturally including these topics in daily life is enough to give a base understanding. But there are plenty of other skills to prepare.

The skills we focus on provide confidence, independence, and curiosity. These are the core foundations for our children to thrive in preschool.

Top 10 Essential Skills Every Toddler Should Learn

1. Dressing self
   By the time our children enter preschool they should be able to dress themselves. Buttons and zippers may still be a struggle but underwear, pants, shirts, socks, and shoes should be dressed independently. Avoid sending your child to school in outfits they cannot manage themselves.
2. Asking for help
   Help will be needed and we will not be there to anticipate their needs. Providing ample opportunities for our children to ask for help from ourselves and others will build their confidence. If you are at a restaurant let them have a chance to ask for the extra fork, a refill on their drink, or where the bathroom is.
3. Fully independent bathroom skills
   Independent bathroom skills go far beyond ditching the diapers. By preschool our children need to be able to leave the bathroom clean. Sufficiently wipe. Wash and dry hands without making a mess. And redress themselves. These skills will improve over the course of the year as it is a new environment with new challenges to overcome. Lets set them up for success by preparing at home.
4. Fine motor skills
   Working on skills like using a pencil and scissors can make the transition to preschool easier. Any task like stringing beads or lacing strings assists with these skills.
5. Gross motor skills
   Many preschoolers love to run and jump. Gross motor skills go beyond this with climbing, balance, and riding a tricycle. Give plenty of time throughout the day for your toddler to move their body.
6. Following directions
   Preschool is full of directions and every parent wonders how a room full of kids follows them. We don’t need to spend all day providing directions but have fun playing games like Simon Says. Also, provide directions to complete daily life activities to encourage essential toddler skills.
7. Problem solving
   Your child needs to be able to tackle some problems independently. This is how they grow, thrive, and learn. Let them struggle with tasks and problems just outside of their reach.
8. Independent play
   Self directed play is huge for preschoolers. There are many hours where they are learning through play and the teacher is engaging with other students or observing to help the class the most. Independent play is often where learning solidified and our kids have the chance to be little scientists.
9. Can separate from caregivers
   An essential toddler skill that is hard won before preschool is being able to separate from parents. Its not easy for every child but by the time they are approaching preschool it is time to give them a chance. Start small if they haven’t experienced it before. Start with an adult they already know, trust, and spend time with.
10. Respects others and things
    Preschool is a new environment with new rules and unfamiliar people. Things like speaking to other people. How to treat school property. Keeping hands, feet, and body to yourself. These can be unfamiliar concepts that with a little effort can be prepared in advance.
    

Tips for Parents to Encourage Skill Development

Provide daily routines for your toddler. Daily routines help our toddlers to understand what is next. They also help to provide opportunities to practice essential toddler skills like dressing, following directions, and fine motor skills.

Work on skills when you are not rushed. Have patience when introducing a new skills. And give logs of freedom for independent play as well as mistakes.

Have you ever found yourself wanting your toddler to clean up toys but it never goes as planned? You see them cleaning up toys at daycare but then they get home and nothing works? There are a few things the daycare center does that encourages the child picking up toys. Here are twelve ways to make the cleaning activity easier.

Preparation Phase

The preparation phase is the longest and hardest of the phases but it sets us up for the future. When cleaning up gets hard this is typically where the issue is.

1. Limit the number of toys. Our children acquire so many toys and it actually is a key problem to clean up toys. They are overwhelmed and over stimulated. I know some people use a toy rotation process to limit access and its a great idea. For me though I have found that it is a lot of work with no payoff.

2. Every toy has a home. If a child doesn’t know where a toy belongs then they will not be able to easily put them away. These should be clearly defined and as an added benefit helps our children to categorize and organize. What a gift!

3. Keep toy homes easy to access. There are some toys that need adult supervision and they can be kept out of reach. But the majority of the toys we are frustrated that we trip over aren’t those. Think Montessori toy storage. Low open shelves where the child can see everything, reach everything, and have control to put them back.

4. Use pictures. Have a picture on the shelves to remind where each item goes. Take after photos to show what clean looks like.

Create the Routine Phase

Now that you know what toys are in the house (because lets be honest unless everything had a place we really don’t know). It can be easy to create a plan to put in place for quick clean ups.

5. Set up times of day to pick up toys. Routines are great for toddlers it really helps them to feel safe and confident. We have an after lunch and after dinner schedule. Honestly I would prefer to do before lunch and before dinner but I have found everyone is in a better mood after a little food.

6. Create a pick up routine. I like a top down or bottom up approach. Start by cleaning under all items (beds, desks, chairs, tables). Then move to items on the floor. Finally on top of surfaces like tables and shelves. It works the same in reverse order. When first getting a toddler to join the cleanup though we work on specific items to pick up (blocks, dolls, play food…).

7. Create a checklist. Create a checklist with the pictures used earlier. A quick reminder of what clean looks like and how to get there makes a toddler feel great.

8. Set a limit for the amount of time you will allow cleaning to go on. This is by far my biggest hurdle and hardest to stick to. We are not going to expect a toddler to clean up and stay on task for an hour. If the toys have got out of hand then we need to break it down into smaller sections and stick to a 15 minute period that our child can stay on task. Each child is different… pay attention to your child’s abilities.

Maintenance Phase

Will our house’s always be clean with toys put away? Um probably not. When we trust that toys can be put away by toddlers and know that twice a day it will be done then we feel a bit less stressed.

9. Don’t let the toys get out of hand. Easier said than done am I right! It will happen from time to time but the more often we can make pick up simple the better.

10. Encourage putting toys away when done. If you are playing together with a toy. Practice putting the toy away as soon as you are done. Also, if they are requesting to play suggest that the prior toy is put away prior to new activity.

11. Start small and let the child have the win for completion. When starting the new pick up routine complete the tasks together. As they work on the skill they will be able to clean up for themselves. When cleaning up together always let the child finish the task themselves for the confidence boost.

12. Play music. If you are a toddler song kind of a parent then find a good toddler clean up song. My song choices look more like my running playlist and that’s fine too.

The key to any clean up routine is to stick to simple processes with a defined goal. When our toddlers know what clean looks like and when to do it… this became a simple process with a goal.

How to wash your hands for kids comes with some unique and often unexpected challenges. Toddlers washing hands has been one big frustration in my life. The biggest frustration with it is public bathrooms. When you have a handful of kids trying to wash their hands and you have to hold them superman style to reach the soap dispenser. Then mid pump some person selfishly chooses to dry their hands with the air dryer. At this time your noise sensitive child suspended mid air starts screaming and suddenly refuses to wash their hands. Public bathrooms are the worst when trying to promote positive toddler hand washing.

Importance of washing hands for kids

The first hurdle on the importance of washing hands for kids is teaching kids when to wash hands and the benefits of washing hands. When it comes to toddler washing hands I keep the explanation of benefits as simple as possible. I find that with a child when you give a simple answer they get curious and come up with questions and interest that you don’t expect. See what they think and give them just a little bit more.

With the list of when to wash hands it feels like you will be washing toddler hands all day. I personally avoid hand sanitizer as much as is possible.

• Before cooking or preparing food
• Before eating meals and snacks
• After using the restroom
• After coming in contact with germs (coughing, sneezing and such)
• After feeding or touching animals
• When coming in contact with a person who is sick
• When coming back home

Toddlers washing hands

When it comes to toddlers washing hands it is the same process an adult uses. The huge difference is the drama and fanfare associated with the process. Since we are washing toddler hands about 52 times a day it is worthwhile to have a good sink set up at home. I get it… space is limited and we have to work with what we have. Make as much of the process available to your independent toddler as possible and it will pay off in relaxed hand washing.

• Step one: Rinse hands. Can your child reach the sink? Can they reach the water? Can they turn the water on AND off?

• Step two: Soap. To start with a young toddler I don’t mind so much if the soap is out of reach since they need a lot of assistance with the whole process. And they just keep pumping soap until its empty. As their ability to use an appropriate amount increases so does the access.

• Step three: Scrub the hands. Let them scrub their hands themselves. Will they miss spots? Yup they sure will. The cool thing about washing your hands 50 times a day means they get lots of reps in quick. They will actually be reasonably proficient pretty quick if you let them. Start where they are at and give them extra tips to work on over time (when they are up for it… not while they are in a melt down). When focusing on washing for 20 seconds find a chorus for a song you could enjoy singing all day long.

• Step four: Rinse hands. We keep the water off during the whole scrubbing process so they aren’t accidentally rinsed prematurely.

• Step five: Dry hands. Give the hands two shakes in the sink (this is half the kids favorite part so its a must). Keeping a drying option within reach is a must. When a child can complete the process themselves they feel more independent in the process.

Hand washing is one of the musts in life. If there is an option about hand washing you can give like which type of soap to use or how to dry hands it can help. Being able to laugh at the ridiculous public bathroom set ups also really helps. Like when the paper towel dispenser is 5 feet off the floor. Parenting needs lots of support and laughs.

Toddlers teeth typically begin to erupt within the first year and the struggle of how to brush toddler teeth begins. Even a child who previously was excited to brush their teeth can suddenly refuse during the toddler years. Good dental hygiene is important so finding out how to brush toddler teeth is a must. These are not the permanent adult teeth but poor toddler teeth brushing habits can have a lasting effect.

Toddler Teeth Brushing Tip 1

Toddler Brushing Teeth Tip 2

Let them brush your teeth. Sound scary? For me it is. The tactic though… so worth it. This works on so many levels for converting the reluctant brusher. First, the pressure to brush teeth is off. When the pressure for toddler teeth brushing is off they can relax and enjoy it. Second, they get to practice the skills and SEE what they are doing. Third, its just fun for them! Kids at this stage love to mimic and attempt tasks you do.

Toddler Teeth Brushing Tip 3

Change the location. There are a few ways to change the location. One is to set up the bathroom so its a little more toddler friendly. If your child can reach the sink all by themselves and take a more independent role that can get our strong willed child excited to do it themselves. Or if all of the power struggles happen in the bathroom… try the kitchen.

Dental health is more than just brushing teething

Start flossing early. Flossing is a hard skill to learn. I would say much tougher than brushing. Floss before brushing and start before there is a need

After brushing for the night do not provide more food or drinks (except water). Food and drinks left in the mouth at bedtime is a significant cause of dental issues.

Take your toddler to the dentist regularly. Sticking with a regular dental visit will help catch any issues and help with proper brushing techniques.

Toddler teeth cleaning at the dentist

Kids first dentistry experience happens 6 months after getting their first tooth or by the time they are a year old. If you have passed this time-frame and still haven’t made it don’t stress just get them on the schedule and prepare your toddler for their first dental cleaning.

How do dentists clean toddler teeth? The toddler will sit on their caregivers lap and lay back. The dental hygienist uses a toddler toothbrush to clean and count teeth. The fist visits are very quick because the child has a short attention span and few teeth.

To make the toddler teeth cleaning experience easier there are a few steps you can take.

• Prepare for the visit by playing dentist with a doll or stuffed animal.
• Avoid using any negative words like “it wont hurt”. Odds are they weren’t worried about pain.
• Let them practice being the dentist on you.
• Explain what they may see or hear ahead of time.

Helping our children learn to care for their teeth in the toddler years will get easier with practice. Learning to take care of dental hygiene now will prepare for success with the permanent teeth. As they say only brush the teeth you want to keep.

When our children are 18 months old and lacking communication skills it is hard to imagine them being a self advocate. But when we think about self advocate meaning being about communication and knowing what the we want and need then we begin to see a way to help our children to get there. This starts with self awareness.

Toddler Self Awareness

One important change that happens in the toddler years is self awareness. They begin to see themselves in new light as an individual with their own interests and desires. This is the period where they begin experiencing new emotions and notice their thoughts are not the same as their caregivers. Children will start to say I and me ( this isn’t just because they are learning new words) this is toddler self awareness. During this time it is very important to model use of language to communicate feelings, needs, wants, likes, and dislikes. Providing the receptive language for self awareness assists in toddlers moving easily into a self advocate role. Although full self advocacy will not be achieved in the toddler years this is a good time to set the groundwork.

Self Advocate Meaning

Often self advocacy meaning is thought of in work, education, and healthcare but this is really a life skill. The ability to recognize strengths, weaknesses, needs, and wishes then communicate those with others. Teaching young children who they can go to for help and providing the language to communicate needs can boost our toddler’s confidence.

Self Advocacy Skills

The first self advocacy skills a toddler develops is saying no. This is our children speaking up for themselves. It is important to encourage the no’s even when no isn’t an option. For instance when buckling the child into the car seat but they do not want to. Use your words to explain their feelings, desires, and needs. This will not stop the no’s from coming and we don’t want them to.

Also, learning to solve problems independently promotes self advocacy. When your child is trying to carry more and an arm load of toys from one room to another. Watch how they resolve the problem. Children who gain confidence by solving problems independently have the confidence to speak up for themselves.

Self Advocacy Examples

• Saying me or I
• ‘No!’
• requesting help
• Stating emotions or feelings
• Problem solving

Although the journey to self advocacy is a long path. Starting our children off in the early years building self awareness and confidence will build a solid foundation. Providing the language and opportunities ask for help and express desires will continue to solidify their ability to grow the self advocacy muscle.

When I sat down to look deeper into toddlers and sharing I was shocked and confused by the fact this is a 4 year old milestone. It is stated the child isn’t capable of it until at least 3.5 years old. How to teach a child to share when voluntarily giving food to their caregiver isn’t sharing? This is happening in the first year of life and shows the importance of caring. If the definition of sharing is giving a toy to someone else whenever they want it… I still haven’t mastered it.

Why sharing is important

To begin with why sharing is important is because it strengthens relationships. For instance when the 9 month old tries to put the Cheerio in your mouth they are saying ‘I know, like and trust you’. This is spontaneous sharing and the type that we want to encourage. You can see this sharing happen in play as well. Completely unprompted a child will walk over to another child often without saying a word and give them a toy then walk away.

Sharing also teaches many communication skills. This is our child’s first attempts at negotiation, expressing understanding, and how to act in various social settings. I have found one of the best ways to navigate ‘sharing’ before they are developmentally ready for it (i.e. toddler years) is to have three simple rules.

1. We do not take things out of other peoples hands

2. Adults do not solve disputes about toys for children

3. If another child asks for a toy respond to themselves

And I will tell you what… they resolve the issue between themselves. Sometimes the 2 year old will say ‘Yeah sure’ and hand the toy over sometimes they will say ‘no’. But interestingly when they are finished with the toy they bring it to the child that asked. This is far from perfect but steps in the process of spontaneous sharing.

Learn to share

The first step to learn to share is for parents to release the worry about what other parents think. What a joke right! If we can look at sharing as a social interaction between two children that does not need adult involvement then the pressure of performance is released.

Next provide lots of opportunities to share. Some everyday examples would be to color a picture next to them and ask to borrow a crayon. When you are cooking offer to let them have a turn stirring. Ask if you can play with a toy next to them.

Model the behavior. When a stranger asks to borrower your truck just say yes and give them the keys. Then when your child has a stranger ask to borrower their truck they will hand it over and you don’t need to be embarrassed. How to teach a child to share when sharing looks different as an adult.

Toddler not sharing

Ask your child if you can have a bite of their dinner. I’m going to guess most likely they said yes and gave you their food. This is real genuine sharing. When you find your toddler not sharing ask yourself a few questions

1. Is my child actively using the item?

2. Does my child have a relationship with this child?

3. Am I worried about myself or the child right now?

4. Do I trust my child to resolve the situation?

5. Why sharing is important right now?

If in general your child lacks social skills and does not notice social queues pushing sharing in the toddler years will not solve these issues. Instead role play with them how to tell the other child not right now appropriately. Remember the importance of sharing comes in communication, relationships, and learning to understand social queues. There are a variety of ways we can work on these and it doesn’t have to be sharing everything. You and I both wouldn’t do that.

Self feeding wasn’t even a thought that crossed my mind with my first child. At the time I was young, clueless, and broke when I had my first child. At the time I made so many choices based on marketing and poor information provided from programs like WIC. I do believe the information provided now days is a whole lot clearer and more accessible. But at the time I was under the impression that you needed special kids food to feed children and I consulted the grocery store isle. What I didn’t know was I was spending extra money I didn’t have on food that wasn’t serving my child.

Toddler Self Feeding Tips

Toddler self feeding can be such a messy process. At first every meal time means a bath, fresh cloths, and hosing down the dining room. Okay maybe that’s a bit dramatic but it feels that way. In reality you do need to prepare for the mess and accept it. One of the best ways how to teach toddler self feeding is by allowing them to practice. A positive self feeding tips for toddlers is to have a clean outfit and towel prepared ahead of time.

The benefits of self feeding includes a long list of items like fine motor development, spacial reasoning and awareness, sense of self in relation to the world. The most important part for your toddler is they naturally stop when full. When your toddler stops eating try not to insist on one more bite unless you have already been advised by a doctor they need more calories.

Independent Eating

There comes a time when self feeding toddlers turn into independent eating toddlers. Self feeding turns into independent eating when some self feeding milestones have been hit. Your child can reliably use the utensil to consume enough food until full. Independent eating is when your child has a more active part in mealtimes. This can include asking for more food and serving themselves.

In my house this is when they can help set the table, serve food and drinks, ask for more, clear the table and wipe down after meals. This typically occurs by the age of 2 but they might only assist with one item. By the age of 3 they can help with the whole process. I have found this makes our children a bit more excited about the mealtime.

Toddler Self Feeding Meals

Toddler self feeding tips start with how you feel about toddlers eating. Personally I would avoid thinking of anything as a toddler meal. If there is food that I wouldn’t eat then I don’t really want to be feeding it to my children. There are days we do eat the typical french fry, chicken nugget, macaroni and cheese. Kids need nutrient dense food just like adults and they will be able to enjoy flavors in your families meals… in time.

What do 2 year olds eat? Some of whatever you feed them. What are eating habits for 2 year olds? They will insist on a favorite food one day and reject it the next. An important caution during the toddler years is to manage your reactions when our children eat food (or don’t). Our reaction to how much or which items can have negative effects on how they view food and meal times. Provide plenty of nutritious food and trust your child.

Toddler Eating Schedule

It is currently agreed upon that toddlers should be offered 3 meals and two snacks a day. It is understood that the child is being offered these but will not always eat all of them. And that is perfectly fine. If dinner happens to be the meal they do not eat then you are not sending them to bed without dinner. There is a difference between self choice and denying food. In my house we often follow a breakfast, snack, lunch, dinner, snack pattern because eating an early dinner fits into our lifestyle.

A typical feeding toddler menu for the day can look like this

Breakfast:

¼ cup plain yogurt with blueberries and granola (great protein/fiber start).

Snack:

½ apple with peanut butter and 1 cup of milk (provides healthy fats).

Lunch:

1 oz cheddar cheese, or cottage cheese 5 crackers, turkey slice, and ¼ cup broccoli (balanced protein and carbs).

Snack:

Cucumber slices with yogurt dip or hummus (hydrating and healthy).

Dinner:

1 oz salmon with ¼ cup sweet potatoes (packed with omega-3s and vitamins).

Toddler refuses to eat anything

If your child is actually refusing to eat anything all day or losing weight consult your child’s doctor. But typically when we say ‘my child refuses to eat anything’ we are talking about something completely different. Often this refers to how we feel about what the child is eating or their demands for specific foods. Most likely if your child at some part of what was on their plate at most meals they are okay.

How to get a child to eat when they refuse.

Don’t. When your child refuses to eat anything don’t try to get them to eat. Again if there are health concerns that are stopping your child from being able to eat consult your child’s doctor. Pay attention if there are consistently certain textures, smells, or temperatures they do not want to eat. It is important to keep the eating refusal pressure free and without comment. Do not gossip about the eating struggles with others while your toddler is around.

Why is my toddler not eating all of the sudden?

The development of toddlers can seem like a mystery to us parents. Verify your child is still as active as normal and generally acting like themselves. Sometimes eating less can happen because of teething or sickness. Generally the reduced amount of eating comes when our toddlers are trying to develop a new skill. This can appear as I toddler not eating anything but their focus is outside of mealtime.

How do you get a picky child to eat?

First notice if there is an underlying reason your child seems to be a picky eater. Is there a sensory concern and you can change the texture of the food? Typically repeated exposure to a variety of foods in a non pressured environment gives toddlers the ability to work through new flavors and textures.