When I sat down to look deeper into toddlers and sharing I was shocked and confused by the fact this is a 4 year old milestone. It is stated the child isn’t capable of it until at least 3.5 years old. How to teach a child to share when voluntarily giving food to their caregiver isn’t sharing? This is happening in the first year of life and shows the importance of caring. If the definition of sharing is giving a toy to someone else whenever they want it… I still haven’t mastered it.

Why sharing is important

To begin with why sharing is important is because it strengthens relationships. For instance when the 9 month old tries to put the Cheerio in your mouth they are saying ‘I know, like and trust you’. This is spontaneous sharing and the type that we want to encourage. You can see this sharing happen in play as well. Completely unprompted a child will walk over to another child often without saying a word and give them a toy then walk away.

Sharing also teaches many communication skills. This is our child’s first attempts at negotiation, expressing understanding, and how to act in various social settings. I have found one of the best ways to navigate ‘sharing’ before they are developmentally ready for it (i.e. toddler years) is to have three simple rules.

1. We do not take things out of other peoples hands

2. Adults do not solve disputes about toys for children

3. If another child asks for a toy respond to themselves

And I will tell you what… they resolve the issue between themselves. Sometimes the 2 year old will say ‘Yeah sure’ and hand the toy over sometimes they will say ‘no’. But interestingly when they are finished with the toy they bring it to the child that asked. This is far from perfect but steps in the process of spontaneous sharing.

Learn to share

The first step to learn to share is for parents to release the worry about what other parents think. What a joke right! If we can look at sharing as a social interaction between two children that does not need adult involvement then the pressure of performance is released.

Next provide lots of opportunities to share. Some everyday examples would be to color a picture next to them and ask to borrow a crayon. When you are cooking offer to let them have a turn stirring. Ask if you can play with a toy next to them.

Model the behavior. When a stranger asks to borrower your truck just say yes and give them the keys. Then when your child has a stranger ask to borrower their truck they will hand it over and you don’t need to be embarrassed. How to teach a child to share when sharing looks different as an adult.

Toddler not sharing

Ask your child if you can have a bite of their dinner. I’m going to guess most likely they said yes and gave you their food. This is real genuine sharing. When you find your toddler not sharing ask yourself a few questions

1. Is my child actively using the item?

2. Does my child have a relationship with this child?

3. Am I worried about myself or the child right now?

4. Do I trust my child to resolve the situation?

5. Why sharing is important right now?

If in general your child lacks social skills and does not notice social queues pushing sharing in the toddler years will not solve these issues. Instead role play with them how to tell the other child not right now appropriately. Remember the importance of sharing comes in communication, relationships, and learning to understand social queues. There are a variety of ways we can work on these and it doesn’t have to be sharing everything. You and I both wouldn’t do that.

Self feeding wasn’t even a thought that crossed my mind with my first child. At the time I was young, clueless, and broke when I had my first child. At the time I made so many choices based on marketing and poor information provided from programs like WIC. I do believe the information provided now days is a whole lot clearer and more accessible. But at the time I was under the impression that you needed special kids food to feed children and I consulted the grocery store isle. What I didn’t know was I was spending extra money I didn’t have on food that wasn’t serving my child.

Toddler Self Feeding Tips

Toddler self feeding can be such a messy process. At first every meal time means a bath, fresh cloths, and hosing down the dining room. Okay maybe that’s a bit dramatic but it feels that way. In reality you do need to prepare for the mess and accept it. One of the best ways how to teach toddler self feeding is by allowing them to practice. A positive self feeding tips for toddlers is to have a clean outfit and towel prepared ahead of time.

The benefits of self feeding includes a long list of items like fine motor development, spacial reasoning and awareness, sense of self in relation to the world. The most important part for your toddler is they naturally stop when full. When your toddler stops eating try not to insist on one more bite unless you have already been advised by a doctor they need more calories.

Independent Eating

There comes a time when self feeding toddlers turn into independent eating toddlers. Self feeding turns into independent eating when some self feeding milestones have been hit. Your child can reliably use the utensil to consume enough food until full. Independent eating is when your child has a more active part in mealtimes. This can include asking for more food and serving themselves.

In my house this is when they can help set the table, serve food and drinks, ask for more, clear the table and wipe down after meals. This typically occurs by the age of 2 but they might only assist with one item. By the age of 3 they can help with the whole process. I have found this makes our children a bit more excited about the mealtime.

Toddler Self Feeding Meals

Toddler self feeding tips start with how you feel about toddlers eating. Personally I would avoid thinking of anything as a toddler meal. If there is food that I wouldn’t eat then I don’t really want to be feeding it to my children. There are days we do eat the typical french fry, chicken nugget, macaroni and cheese. Kids need nutrient dense food just like adults and they will be able to enjoy flavors in your families meals… in time.

What do 2 year olds eat? Some of whatever you feed them. What are eating habits for 2 year olds? They will insist on a favorite food one day and reject it the next. An important caution during the toddler years is to manage your reactions when our children eat food (or don’t). Our reaction to how much or which items can have negative effects on how they view food and meal times. Provide plenty of nutritious food and trust your child.

Toddler Eating Schedule

It is currently agreed upon that toddlers should be offered 3 meals and two snacks a day. It is understood that the child is being offered these but will not always eat all of them. And that is perfectly fine. If dinner happens to be the meal they do not eat then you are not sending them to bed without dinner. There is a difference between self choice and denying food. In my house we often follow a breakfast, snack, lunch, dinner, snack pattern because eating an early dinner fits into our lifestyle.

A typical feeding toddler menu for the day can look like this

Breakfast:

¼ cup plain yogurt with blueberries and granola (great protein/fiber start).

Snack:

½ apple with peanut butter and 1 cup of milk (provides healthy fats).

Lunch:

1 oz cheddar cheese, or cottage cheese 5 crackers, turkey slice, and ¼ cup broccoli (balanced protein and carbs).

Snack:

Cucumber slices with yogurt dip or hummus (hydrating and healthy).

Dinner:

1 oz salmon with ¼ cup sweet potatoes (packed with omega-3s and vitamins).

Toddler refuses to eat anything

If your child is actually refusing to eat anything all day or losing weight consult your child’s doctor. But typically when we say ‘my child refuses to eat anything’ we are talking about something completely different. Often this refers to how we feel about what the child is eating or their demands for specific foods. Most likely if your child at some part of what was on their plate at most meals they are okay.

How to get a child to eat when they refuse.

Don’t. When your child refuses to eat anything don’t try to get them to eat. Again if there are health concerns that are stopping your child from being able to eat consult your child’s doctor. Pay attention if there are consistently certain textures, smells, or temperatures they do not want to eat. It is important to keep the eating refusal pressure free and without comment. Do not gossip about the eating struggles with others while your toddler is around.

Why is my toddler not eating all of the sudden?

The development of toddlers can seem like a mystery to us parents. Verify your child is still as active as normal and generally acting like themselves. Sometimes eating less can happen because of teething or sickness. Generally the reduced amount of eating comes when our toddlers are trying to develop a new skill. This can appear as I toddler not eating anything but their focus is outside of mealtime.

How do you get a picky child to eat?

First notice if there is an underlying reason your child seems to be a picky eater. Is there a sensory concern and you can change the texture of the food? Typically repeated exposure to a variety of foods in a non pressured environment gives toddlers the ability to work through new flavors and textures.

There are many dressing skills that children need to meet within dressing milestones. These come from basic everyday curious moments our children have. Providing ample opportunities for diverse movements and coordination practice will improve toddlers ability to dress themselves.

Dressing skills

Dressing skills start with body awareness. Well before your child attempts to put a shirt on themselves they need to gain awareness of self. Dressing skills by age 1 can include removing socks. This movement includes pincer grasp, intentional movements of legs and feet, and importantly the knowledge there are socks on their feet. During this period your child will also begin to push their arms through the sleeve of a shirt.

Fine motor skills and coordination are an important part of moving to more advanced dressing skills. Dressing skills by age 2 can include fine motor skills as well as balance which will include pinching and pulling pants while staying upright in a seated position. Toddlers are increasing their awareness of their body, movements, and gaining strength. Providing many ways for your toddler to manipulate their bodies to gain strength and coordination will increase their ability for self dressing. Backward chaining is a good method to teach skills at this stage. With this method you will complete all but the final step as the child increases their ability to complete more of the process.

Dressing activities for 3 4 year olds

By the time our children are 3 they are beginning to self dress and can have a wide range of abilities and met dressing milestones. Quiet Books or Montessori Dressing Frames are a good way for preschool age children to practice tricky fine motor skills. These activities will include buttons, lacing, and zippers.

Provide opportunities to determine right from left shoes.

Dressing skills milestones

• Undressing
  • Socks – Generally the first item to be undressed and many socks will go missing!
  • Hats – Removing hats is a close second. This can get very frustrating during winter months.
  • Shirts – Removing shirts can be a complicated process. Be as consistent as possible when assisting so the child can mimic the process.
  • Pants – Pulling down pants is an important step of the toilet training process.
  • Underwear – Typically by the time they are wearing underwear they have already mastered removing their pants. Often this skill is easier to grasp as they have already built a like skill.
  • shoes – Removing shoes can go right along with moving socks.
• Dressing
  • Socks – It takes practice to put socks on so the heel is on the bottom.
  • Underwear-
  • Shirts – The first step learned when putting on the shirt you will see is pushing an arm through while dressing your toddler.
  • Pants –
  • Jackets – The jacket flip is a process which many toddlers use to learn to put on jackets. Lay jacket on the ground with head towards feet. When you put your hands through the sleeves flip the jacket overhead.
  • Shoes – There are so many challenges with shoes! Between choosing the right foot, laces, and holding the tongue.
  • Hats – Hats can be fun to practice with. This is a good step to learning where head is in relation to body to assist with other dressing skills.
• Fasteners
  • Buttons – Practicing buttons can start with putting a coin into a slot. Then progressing to large then small buttons.
  • Snaps – Having a strong pincher grasp takes a lot of work! When they figure it out snaps are a great option.
  • Velcro – This fastener is easy to learn and provides quick wins.
  • Lacing –
  • Tying – Shoe tying is so tricky! This is a skill to use Back Chaining on. Always talk through the whole process then let them complete the final step. When they have a hang of that add the prior step.
  • Belts – Weaving? Pulling? The most complicated part is not being able to see clearly. Practice first where the buckle is clearly visible.

If you currently have a toddler at home, there is a very high chance you spent at least twenty minutes this morning watching them try to put a single shoe on the wrong foot while fiercely shouting, “NO! I DO IT!”

Welcome to the toddler independence stage. It is noisy, messy, extraordinarily slow, and completely normal.

This week, we are talking about how to navigate this wild season where our kids desperately want to do everything themselves, even when their tiny hands haven’t quite caught up to their big ambitions yet.

This Week at the Forest Bus Stop

(Overheard while waiting for the morning pickup…)

Big Bear: Morning, Badger! You look like you’ve been through a marathon already. Everything okay?

Big Badger: Oh, Bear… It took us forty-five minutes to leave the den today because Little Badger insisted on zipping his own jacket. He wouldn’t let me touch the zipper, but he couldn’t align the track either. We just stood by the door in total deadlock!

(I had to smile into my coffee mug. “I do it!” really is the official anthem of age two, isn’t it? As exhausting as it is in the moment, that fierce drive is actually a wonderful sign of growth.)

Story From the Trail

I was sitting at an outdoor café the other day, enjoying a rare quiet moment, when I noticed a family at the table next to mine. Their little toddler wanted to pour water from a small glass pitcher into his cup.

Predictably, half the water splashed right onto the table.

An older gentleman sitting nearby gasped, jumped up from his chair, and rushed over with a napkin, saying, “Oh dear, let me get that for you sweetie! Here, let a grown-up pour that so you don’t mess up.”

The parent politely smiled, gently blocked the rescue attempt, and calmly said: “No thank you, I trust this child is capable.”

Then, without missing a beat, the parent handed the toddler a small damp cloth and said, “Whoops, a little spill! Can you wipe that up?” The toddler proudly wiped the table, repositioned the pitcher with both hands, and successfully poured the next splash straight into the cup. His whole face lit up with pure pride.

It was such a powerful moment to witness. Watching well-meaning adults try to “save” our kids from hard things is so common, but stepping back and letting them try (and clean up!) is where genuine confidence is born.

Field Notes

When we talk about raising an independent child, we often think of the end goal: someone who can solve their own problems, self-advocate, build resilience, and regulate their emotions. But here’s our gentle daily reminder: our toddlers are not there yet.

Independence is a long game that starts right after their first birthday. They are doing the hardest work of building new brain connections, while our job is simply practicing patience.

Here are a few mindset shifts that make this stage so much easier:

• Assume Capability: Our kids are capable of far more than we think. If they put one leg in their pants yesterday, let them try both legs today before stepping in.
• The “I Do, We Do, You Do” Model: Instead of jumping straight from doing everything for them to expecting full independence, break it down. I do it first while you watch; We do it together; You do it on your own.
• Set Up the Environment: Put towels for spills at child level. Keep their cups, plates, and spoons on low shelves. Create “Yes” spaces where they can explore without hearing “Don’t touch!”
• Reframe the Tantrums: Most toddler meltdowns happen because their desires outpace their physical skills. When desire and skill don’t align, frustration boils over. Practicing small life skills during calm moments builds the muscle memory they need to avoid those friction points later.

Building independence isn’t about rushing them to grow up—it’s about giving them the freedom to try, fail, and try again.

Trail Marker

Here is what to keep an eye out for at home this week:

• Watch for: The subtle signs that your toddler wants independence (trying to unbutton their shirt, telling you “no,” reaching for the serving spoon, or insisting on carrying their own bag).
• Observe: What happens when you pause for 10 seconds before helping? Do they try a second approach on their own?

10 Minute Side Trail

Here is a quick, practical routine you can set up today that turns a simple snack into an independence-building win!

• Skill: Self-Serving a Drink & Snack
• Age Range: 1–6 years old
• Domain: Life Skills & Fine Motor Control
• What You Will Need:
  • A small, child-sized pitcher or light measuring cup with a little water
  • A small bowl with berries, crackers, or goldfish
  • A small, child-safe cup and plate
  • A tiny damp washcloth placed nearby
• Steps:
  • Prepare the Space: Place the pitcher, bowl, cup, and plate on a low table or stool where your child can comfortably reach.
  • Model First (“I Do”): Show them how to use two hands on the pitcher handle to pour a tiny splash into your own cup.
  • Guide Together (“We Do”): Place your hands over theirs as they grip the small pitcher and guide the water into their cup.
  • Step Back (“You Do”): Hand them the snack spoon or small pitcher and let them serve themselves without interference.
  • Embrace the Spill: If a drop spills, don’t react! Simply hand them the damp washcloth and say, “You know how to wipe that up!”
• Success Looks Like: Your toddler carefully attempting to pour or scoop, managing a spill with a wipe, and proudly enjoying a snack they served summer-style on their own.
• Next Skill: Setting their own placemat with a spoon, plate, and cup before mealtime.

Fox Discovery Trail

After your little builder or helper finishes a task on their own, try chatting through these gentle reflection questions over a snack:

• What did you discover today when you tried it by yourself?
• What helped you do it?
• What was the trickiest part?
• What would you try next time?
• What are you proud of?

Little Fox & Big Fox After Trail

(Fresh off the trail after trying our snack-serving activity…)

Big Fox: Alright Little Fox, now that we tried pouring our own water and goldfish… what did you discover today when you tried it by yourself?

Little Fox: I don’t know… look! A spider on the wall! He has tiny feet.

Big Fox: (Laughs) He sure does! But what about the water? What helped you pour it into your cup?

Little Fox: Um… my hands. And the blue pitcher. But mostly my hands because they are big hands.

Big Fox: They are getting bigger every day! What was the trickiest part?

Little Fox: The water went SPLASH on the table! And then the cloth was squishy when I wiped it. Can I eat nineteen more goldfish now?

Big Fox: Almost! Last question: What are you super proud of?

Little Fox: I’m proud of… my socks! Because they have blue trucks on them!

Big Fox: (Sighs happily, taking a sip of coffee) Fair enough, buddy. Truck socks for the win.

Nearby Trails

Want to lower the temperature on morning meltdowns? Try setting up a “screen-free morning” routine. When we eliminate tablets and battery-operated toys first thing in the morning, kids naturally wander toward open-ended play and independent tasks without being overstimulated. Also, try offering choices limited to just two options (e.g., “Do you want the red shirt or the green shirt?”) to give them control without the overwhelm!

Forest Committee Minutes

(Inside the parent council brain)

Big Bear: Look, I’m all for capability, but if I let my cub dress himself every morning, we will literally never leave the cave. I’m stepping in to zip the jacket!

Big Badger: But Bear, if we always zip it for them, how will they ever learn? I’d rather wake up fifteen minutes earlier, prepare the clothes the night before, and give Little Badger the time he needs to wrestle with the zipper.

Wise Owl: Pushes up spectacles. Preparation is indeed the key to accommodating the slow pace of skill acquisition. Research shows that parents who foster early autonomy experience lower long-term burnout because their children master self-care tasks much earlier in childhood.

Squeaky Squirrel: (Scribbling furiously) Okay, but what do I do when well-meaning strangers at the grocery store try to take the cart away from my toddler who insists on pushing it?!

Wise Owl: You smile, take a deep breath, and deliver the magic phrase: “No thank you, I trust this child is capable.”

Big Badger: Exactly. Hand them the damp cloth, sip your warm coffee, and let those little paws practice!

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