Toddler Independence Stage

The toddler independence stage occurs throughout the whole toddler period. Toddler and independence go hand in hand. Toddlers are supposed to assert their independence.

When thinking about toddler independence it is important to think about an independent child definition. An independent child will be able to problem solve for themselves, self advocate when there is need, desires to learn and grow, resilience, and is able to self regulate their emotions. OUR TODDLERS ARE NOT THERE… Yet.

Independence is a skill that toddlers begin to work on after their first birthday. This is a long game and it is hard. Keep in mind the child is doing the hardest work while we work on our patience.

How to teach toddler independence

A easier way to look at this is how to encourage toddler independence stage. The first step is to observe the toddler wanting independence. Then provide opportunities for the toddler to be showing independence.

One way to see a toddler wanting independence is the attempt to dress or undress, feed themselves, and they start to tell you ‘no’. This is the period where you are struggling with terrible twos.

How to encourage independence in your child starts with assuming your child is capable of more than you think. When seeing your toddler struggle with a new skill resist the urge to help. If yesterday they put a leg in their pants let them try to put the second leg in.

Set up their environment to allow the child to practice skills. Keep towels for cleaning spills accessible. Have the child’s spoon, plate, and cup at a level they can reach. Practice the “I do, We do, You do” method for skill building. This method will slowly and appropriately transition responsibility of tasks.

Toddler Independence Skills

• Self dressing
• Self feeding
• Sharing
• Self advocacy
• Brush teeth
• Wash Face
• Wash Hands
• Brush Hair
• Pick up toys
• Make bed
• Fold wash cloths
• Fold Socks
• Clean spills
• Making choices (limit to two options)
• Using toilet
• Set table
• Clean table after meal
• Pour drinks
• Mixing and measuring ingredients
• Understanding and following safety rules

Toddler independence tantrums

Many toddler tantrums start with the toddlers desire for independence. We all experience how challenging it is when our skills and desires do not align. Toddlers have an additional disadvantage where they have not learned coping skills to manage the frustration. Practicing coping skills ahead of the tantrum can help your child work through it. The more practice that occurs the more your child can work through their situation.

Toddler independence activities

• Setting table
• Building block towers
• Coloring on plain sheets of paper
• Picking book to read
• Helping with laundry
• Ride balance bike

Toddler independence checklist

• Set up the environment
• Prepare for tantrums and meltdowns
• Follow I do, We do, You do
• Allow mistakes
• Practice skills

Activities to promote independence in toddlers

• Change diapers in bathroom and allow a pressure free attempt to use toilet
• Let child pick out clothes the night before
• Help with cooking meals
• Follow routines
• Provide ‘Yes’ spaces

Toddler too independent

When you have a very independent toddler you will find other adults are uncomfortable. Your child is expanding their understanding of what a small child is capable of. Adults tend to try saving children they see from doing hard things and knowing what to do is a challenge. When help is offered or often just given a good approach is to simply state ‘no thank you, I trust this child is capable’. You will get looks and strange comments from time to time. What you are reinforcing with the child is that you believe they can do hard things and don’t need to be saved. This will show them how to approach these situations in the future.

When a 3 year old wants to do everything herself. Let them. As much as reasonably possible. It takes longer and can be very frustrating but let them anyway. Often preparing ahead of time helps. If getting out the door on time is tough prepare the night before by setting clothes out the child can put on themselves, prepare breakfast portions to be served themselves, and packing backs to be set by the door or in the car.

How to deal with toddler independence

Okay so its true having an independent toddler can be frustrating. They take forever, things get messy, and other people are trying to save your child all the time. Parents who encourage independence make it through the toddler year melt downs sooner and with less parental burnout.

How to foster independent play in toddlers

Start the day without tablets, TV, or any toys that need batteries. When the toy is doing the entertaining for you, you are not building independent play skills. Leave toys out without providing direction. Limit the number of toys available to play with. When children are not being entertained, directed, or overwhelm ed they feel the freedom to try new and harder things.